Marine Marathon

For the four of you that read my blog, you may remember that I was training for a marathon...


Welllllll... that didn't work out so hot.  Training was going okay, but then after back to back weekends involving 14 and 16 mile runs, my back and legs screamed for mercy.  I would get shooting pains down the back of my back, ass, and legs, and they weren't going away.  So I did what champions do when they are beaten:  I gave up.


But one man who did NOT give up was my roommate from college:  KARL.  Karl ran the Marine Marathon like a hummingbird on cocaine.  His time was a speedy 3:09.  For those of you that don't speak "runner," that is a SMOKING time.  Let's analyze Karl's greased-lightining successful 26.2 mile scamper, shall we?

Here comes Karl at Mile 10.  He is hauling ass.  Look at the smile on his face!

 Here comes Karl at Mile 26.  Look at my excellent photography.  Look how the subject is centered, and also looking at the camera.  If you would like me to photograph special moments in your life, please contact me.  I will do Bar Mitzvahs, weddings, graduations, baptisms, etc.  

Immediately after the race, the marathoners looked like zombies.  They were all wobbly and definitely all looked like death.  How fitting that this race was on Halloween.

Now we get to the good stuff!  15 minutes after the race ended, Karl began puking rivers of Red Powerade.  It was SO COOL.  It was really funny when he puked, and then had to scream "Noooo watch out I just puked there!" as a 2 year old almost merrily wobbled into his pile of vomit.  

After the Powerade came out, it was naptime for Karl.  Poor kid deserved rest.

Later that day, I myself took a well-earned nap.  Walking all over a marathon course to watch the runners is tough work, and certainly not for the faint of heart.  

Weekend Travels Have Minimized the Blogging Effort! Part 2/2

Alright!  Part 2 of my travels brought me to Philly two weekends ago. 

The trip was oriented around a concert (I saw Phoenix), but the highlight of the trip was the Philadelphia Magic Gardens.  If you EVER go to Philly, you MUST check this place out!  It costs a few bucks, takes about an hour, but leaves an impression!  It's truly one of a kind...

Alright... so what is it?  Well, it's this house (a rowhome) and some adjacent courtyards that this dude (an artist) has completely pimped out in mosaic.  

Here's the basement.  Totally sweet.  Awesome mosaic stuff on the walls and ceiling.   

This is one of the alleys... 

 In the courtyard, there are numerous stairways and arches built... out of bottles, bike wheels, and... who knows what else!

This picture didn't come out so hot, but it's the entire side of an adjacent rowhome... So, that mosaic is basically 40' tall by 50' or so?

This is my favorite picture that came from there... You can see the arches that were built on the left, and the cool art that forms the face just to the right of the picture's center...

I got a little bit artsy with the picture taking-  The funny thing though is that this picture inadvertently captured my girlfriend's reflection... She was standing a good 10' from me...

Naturally I had to have her replicate the procedure to take my fragmented picture!

Another alley just outside the house...

Again, this is in the alley.  I don't know who painted their garage door like this, but God bless you Sir or Madam...  You are truly great.  

This was completely separate from the Magic Gardens (not even a block away), and gated off to the public, but it looks to be another work by the same artist...

In summary, check this place out! 

Weekend Travels Have Minimized the Blogging Effort! Part 1/2

All the driving and general having of fun has really limited my blogging the past two weeks.


Two weekends ago, I was in Charlottesville with the gf and a grab bag of various friends.


Among other things, we hit up the local apple orchard which leant itself to some cool pictures... especially because I was wearing camo.  

The apple orchard was mad crowded.  People love their apples, apple cider, and donuts.  

I picked a grand total of about 10 apples.  I since have eaten about two of them, and I believe the rest are rotten and sitting on my dining room table.  Awesome. 

My brown skin and camo shirt allowed me to seamlessly blend into the apple trees.   

Like I said.  Seamless. 

Apples.  Trees.  Sky.

So-  at the apple orchard, you are supposed to pay by the pound for all the apples you pick.  Undoubtedly, that $/LB price is jacked up to account for all the idiots that shake the apple trees and cause hundreds of apples to fall just to get the one they need.  I may have been one of these idiots.

After apple picking, we had a bonfire.  I prepared for this trip out to the country by stocking up on Natty Boh and PBR.  Both are exquisite beers.  PBR is really making a comeback in public perception.  The can just looks so damn classy!  How can you resist it?!

I found this fuzzy caterpillar in my friend Lauren's driveway.  

Prior to leaving Charlottesville, we did a bit of wine tasting.  While killing the bottle we bought, I took this very classy picture which I call: 

Women.  A Conversation Between Them.  

Look how serious they look!  I think they were having a conversation about-  okay.  Well I actually don't know because I was thinking about Batman.  

This is me after wine tasting.  I felt so warm!  And... happy!  And it was 75 degrees!  And sunny!  I had not a care in the world...  Awesome feeling.

Bombed Out Umbrellas

It's rainy and crappy in DC today, but I love seeing broken umbrellas.

The only thing better than seeing a broken umbrella is actually seeing it breaking in real time (and waiting for the inevitable "look" on the umbrella-owner's face)*!  This is a rare occurrence though and so I don't have any pictures of that.  But here are some awesomely destroyed umbrellas from NYC, Ireland, and Baltimore from the past year...  

Though I love taking pictures of broken umbrellas, I seldom get to do it because I never remember to make sure my camera is on me when a big storm comes through... Kindof like how I still can't remember to floss daily as a supposed self sufficient adult.  

*Is that face rage?  Sadness?  Despair?  

Oh, and also, broken umbrellas are only cool when:

a) It is someone else's umbrella

b) It is not the umbrella that I am using

Bachelor Meal #1

Hello, and welcome to a new feature of my blog called "Cooking with Steve."  Like 98% of all new features that are introduced in this blog, this will probably be a one time occasion.  This is to keep with the theme of zero thematic consistency.

Today, I am going to show all you readers how to make the best pasta dish ever.  It will blow your fucking mind.  And then some.

Okay, so what do you need to make the best pasta dish ever?  You need the following:

PART 1:  CRUCIAL INGREDIENTS

So... what do we have here?  We have:

1. Mom's Spaghetti Sauce-  It has to be Mom's.  If you try to use some $2.99 jar of pasta sauce from Safway or Giant, you will feel the sting of failure.
2. Gimme Lean-  This is fake meat.  I largely stopped eating real meat when I dated a vegetarian for a while.  Since then (for like the past several years), I have been buying this stuff, and have been made fun of relentlessly for it.  Old roommates of mine called it "Monkey Meat."  If you use real meat, you will feel the sting of failure.
3. Real Cheese (see below)- I used to just use Kraft parmesan cheese for the best pasta dish ever.  Then, my girlfriend made me use real cheese once.  At first, I was skeptical, but am now convinced that it is better with real cheese. The sting of failure awaits those who choose to use the Kraft or "prepackaged" Parmesan.  
4. Pasta (I use green pasta because... it is green... and spinachy... which is kindof cool)
5. Cayenne- Spice up your life.

WARNING!

Be sure to use a cheese grater with the cheese.  I used to use a knife once, and I nearly sliced my damn finger off.  Cheese is a deceptively strong opponent, and a grater will make life easier.  This is the grater that i suggest:

Right.  So... behold the most badass grater ever.  Note that it has a little cheese catcher at the end that will store the cheese you slice and dice.  Unbelievable.

PART 2:  MAKING AN EDIBLE CREATION

Step 1:  Open the Gimme Lean, and dump it into a pan.  It will look like this:

BE SURE NOT TO JUDGE THIS BOOK BY ITS COVER.  YES, IT LOOKS A LITTLE STRANGE.  YOUR TASTE BUDS ARE ABOUT TO BE OVERWHELMED WITH EXCELLENCE THOUGH...

OKAY OKAY... SORRY-  QUICK SIDE STORY IN THIS RECIPE...

SO, MY GIRLFRIEND AND I WENT TO WILLIAMS-SONOMA THE OTHER DAY AS PART OF A RAMBLING WALK AROUND ARLINGTON.  ANYWAY, THIS STORE HAS VERY HIGH END COOKWARE... IT LOOKS LIKE THIS INSIDE:

DO YOU SEE THEIR CLASSY PANS?  AND HOW THEY SIT ON RECESSED SHELVES?

WELL, I THOUGHT THE SHELVES PULL OUT SO THAT YOU CAN EXAMINE THE PANS MORE CLOSELY.  TURNS OUT THAT THE SHELVES DO IN FACT PULL OUT, BUT THEY AREN'T SUPPOSED TO.  END RESULT?  WHEN I PULLED THE SHELF OUT, ABOUT 6 GIGANTIC PANS ALL FELL INTO EACH OTHER AND MADE A HUGE COMMOTION.

I HAD TO APOLOGIZE TO THE STORE EMPLOYEES.  I PLEADED IGNORANCE, AS IT WAS MY FIRST TIME INSIDE A POT AND PAN STORE.

 Step 2:  Put a few seconds of olive oil into the pan, and then "shmush" the Gimme Lean with your hand.

Step 3:  Sprinkle a lot of cayenne on the "shmushed" Gimme Lean.  You should now have a work in progress that resembles the below picture:

Step 4:  Wait for the Gimme Lean to harden a little bit, and then start chopping it into a ground sirloin consistency that you would want in a spaghetti sauce.  This is my favorite part.  

Step 5:  Dump sauce onto monkey meat, and stir, and let heat for a little while (5 minutes or so).  

It goes without saying, BUT you should also be cooking your pasta during Steps 1-5.

And... BEHOLD!  THE BEST PASTA DISH EVER!

I have made this at least once a week for the past 5 years, and I am not even close to sick of it.