This isn't a book review. This is an order to go out and buy Andre Agassi's autobiography. I'm only 100 pages in (it was a Christmas gift from me, to me), but it is amazing.

Now, I played tennis from age 8 to 18. Andre Agassi is my favorite tennis player ever. His wife, Steffi Graf is hands-down my favorite female tennis player. As a kid, I wanted to BE Andre Agassi, and I tried to mimic certain parts of my game after him. SO, I'm biased in recommending this. BUT, if you EVER watched Agassi play and were impressed or found it enjoyable, you need to read this book... That's all.

Joanne Shaw Taylor

Hi blog-readers. Let me introduce you to my new favorite musician of the moment, Joanne Shaw Taylor, who I will refer to as JST for the duration of this post.

JST is fucking awesome, and once again, I must thank Sirius for introducing me to a kickass artist.


Last week, I was driving home from work when I decided that I needed to hear some "different" music... Now in spite of all the channels Sirius has, I personally think that the selection of what is played on those channels has gone noticeably downhill ever since the merger with XM. That said, I have been exploring the other channels in hope of finding another "go-to-option" when everything being played on the channels I normally listen to is trash. So, I decided to switch over to the BB King Blues Channel. AND THEN, JST came on...

... this song in particular:



This song floored me because:
a) JST has an awesome voice
b) JST is ridiculously good at guitar
c) This is the exact same style of guitar playing that I want to be very good at, at SOME POINT in my life.
d) Just in general, I think the song has all the makings of a PERFECT bluesy song.
e) Also, further research into JST revealed that she's BRITISH! Yeah... what?! a female BRITISH blues singer?! This has to be as rare as a unicorn.

I encourage everybody to go and download this album. Also, if you haven't figured it out yet, buy your MP3 albums from Amazon instead of iTunes because they are cheaper. I've been so impressed by her album that I checked her tour dates, and am now seeing her play in Annapolis at the Rams Head Tavern (insanely cool small venue) in February. It will be fantastic!

Back from Hiatus! Let's Talk Christmas!

I know I know... EVERYBODY has been freaking out because this hasn't been updated in ages... Fear not! I am back!

I've been a busy beaver! I have lots to blog about! I will be posting quite a bit for the next couple weeks so stay tuned!

Let's cut to the chase though and talk Christmas. This is my list of demands... er... requests for Christmas.

1. The Ultimates Omnibus- I've been out of the comic book game for many-a-year now, but I just discovered (I'm late to the party, I know) that Marvel puts out these so-called Omnibus-es (or Omnibii??? whatever...) Basically, these are 700+ page hardcover bound full color collections of entire runs of certain comics... The Ultimates is the primary one I want. It was a great run, and it was turned into two animated movies that I loved.

2. New X-Men Omnibus- Okay, I'll save you the suspense, and cut to the chase and say that the next several items are comics. This particular Omnibus apparently runs $200+ new due to the fact it is out of print. Nevertheless, the whole run is available in paperback format for a total of about $70 (spread over 3 or so volumes)... I may have to go that route.


3. Astonishing X-Men Omnibus- More X-Men... not much else to say here, other than that this volume is priced normally ($50ish) since it is still in-print. I should mention that I love the X-Men. I used to watch the cartoon and read the comics as a kid. Unfortunately the movies have sucked, but this and the last Omnibus are supposed to represent a whole new take on the series, and they both have received critical acclaim (probably from other nerds).
4. Daredevil Omnibus- Daredevil is a unique Marvel superhero that I never really knew too much about... I didn't read the comics as a kid, but I've always been curious to see exactly how badass he is. I have the feeling the answer is "VERY."


I mean... he's a blind dude that sees through infra-red vision or something, and has all sorts of brutal fighting ability!

5. Assasin's Creed II- I know nothing about this game other than that it is supposed to be absolutely phenomenal. Now, I have somewhat of a backlog in my video game playing- I still have to beat Batman: Arkham Asylum, and take my FIFA franchise to greatness, but I'm sure I can squeeze in time for this one!


6. Chamakh- This is a little bit of a stretch as a gift, but I would like Arsenal to pick up Marouane Chamakh the second the Transfer Window opens. From all indicators, he would be the second coming of Christ, and so I welcome this addition to the team!

Obie Trice

So I heard an awesome song today... and I decided to look up the video.

A little history on Obie Trice is that he was born and raised in the D (etroit), was signed by Eminem, and THEN was later shot twice while driving on the Lodge in Detroit! One of the bullets is STILL IN HIS HEAD! That's some straight up James Bond Villain Shit!

Anyway, do yourself a favor and watch the video here (it won't let me embed it):

Obie Trice- Cry Now

Oh, and get this! Someone actually commented the following on YouTube:

"OBIE...BABY...I'm straight from Saginaw,Michigan and just wanted to let everybody know that this is one of if not the most underrated artists in the game.Lyrics and flow are sick...Creative...It's about time somebody from The Great Lake State Represented...Keep Ya Head Up...Handle your business...This is me and my father's song...He loved this shit..You got the whole Murder Mitten behind you....Hail To The Victors...Hold us down Obie..."

That is hysterical! Michigan- referred to as the "Murder Mitten!" I could not stop laughing when I read that!!!!!!!!!!!!

Court Follow Up

Day of Reckoning

October 23rd, 2009 was a cool autumn day. Steve's alarm went off promptly at 8:00 AM and he groaned. Today was his day in court to fight a reckless driving charge. He had taken all the necessary measure to fight the charge (hiring a lawyer, getting copies of his driver's license), but he still was skeptical about escaping from the court room with minimal fines...

Steve dressed himself with extra care this morning. "If I get fucked by the Commonwealth, at least I'll look professional" he thought to himself. He eventually settled on black pinstriped pants, and a white and green plaid shirt. Not tacky plaid like a western cowboy shirt, but something classier, like you would find at Banana Republic.

As he exited his apartment building and entered his car, he had to again remind himself of that old saying from the Field of Dreams... What is that saying again?? Something like: "If you speed, the Commonwealth will fuck you."?? So, he drove at exactly the speed limit out to Manassas Virginia. Driving at exactly the speed limit earned Steve some interesting reactions from the other people on the road. One lady kindly waved at him with one finger.


Steve got to the courthouse with about 30 minutes to spare. Turns out that was a good decision. There was no parking to be found- typical for the DC metropolitan area. After finding a parking spot 1/4 mile away, he walked to the courthouse.

Courthouse

It was an ugly building, and Steve wasn't sure if it was because of the architecture, or the total wastes of human beings hanging out around it waiting to be sentenced for idiotic crimes. At any rate, he walked up to the courthouse and was then quickly turned away by security guards for unknowingly attempting to commit the unforgivable crime of bringing a phone with camera capabilities inside.

After walking another 1/2 mile to return to his car, and then the courthouse, Steve finally got inside. Upon reaching the 2nd floor, the hallway outside the courtrooms was filled with people awaiting judgement. The attire of these people, damned by the law, was rather interesting, ranging from full denim outfits, to the finest Rocawear clothing. Steve mentally noted that he should avoid court again at all costs.

Once he ruled out 95% of the humans in the hallway from possibly being his lawyer, Steve approached a young woman with a legal pad who was frantically scribbling. "Umm... hi, are you Jennifer?" he asked. Though he sounded uncertain, he knew that this was his lawyer, because the other people around just looked like they sucked at life. Turns out Steve had in fact identified his lawyer. After brief introductions, Jennifer found the prosecutor in the hallway, and wheeled a deal in approximately 1 minute (literally). As Steve had a clean driver's record, the prosecutor agreed to drop the 86 mph in a 65 mph zone to a 79/65 violation. Instead of a $1,000+ fine, Steve was facing a chump change $200 violation. "Is this okay with you?" Jennifer asked once she had worked out the details. Steve replied "YES, let's just get this over with!"

Steve, Jennifer, and the prosecutor then entered the courtroom and waited for their turn in front of the judge. Steve witnessed a variety of other people being sentenced during this waiting period. He witnessed two DUI convictions, a larceny conviction, an unlawful entry conviction, a marijuana possession conviction, and several other petty theft charges. All of the defendants escaped with relatively minor slaps on the wrist (with the exception of Mr. DUI) : $50-150 fines, and 30 day prison sentences that could be overturned upon completion of a Shoplifter's Counselling Course or something similar.

"Well this certainly is strange..." thought Steve. "These people stole, got caught with drugs, and broke into shit, and they're paying less of a fine than my speeding ticket?!"

But then Steve thought about the other part of some of their sentences: being banned from Kohl's or Target or the like for periods of no less than 2 years. How hideous! How can one go on with life without TARGET?! Steve then thought he was in a much better position than those poor people.

Finally, it was Steve's turn to face judgement. The Prosecutor spoke first: "Your honor, the Commonwealth has agreed to reduce the charge to speeding, 79 in a 65, a fine of $200. BUT, since he was in a Highway Safety Corridor, it will be double, and a total fine of $400."

"Well fuck me... They fucking doubled it!" Steve thought.

"Is this acceptable to your client?" the judge asked Jennifer.

Jennifer replied: "Well... that wasn't how I understood the deal- I thought it was going to be $200."

The Prosecutor stared blankly at Jennifer.

Jennifer said to Steve: "Um... is $400 okay?"

"Not like I have a fucking choice," Steve thought to himself.

"Yes." Steve answered.

They exited the courtroom.

Steve went to pay the cashier. Total cost: $400.00...

...plus $60.00 in court fees.

Steve then drove away from the courthouse, again going exactly the speed limit in Virginia, and then speeding like everybody else once he crossed into the velocity friendly paradise of Maryland. As he drove, he thought about the potential of making a career change to LAWYER, as he calculated that the one he just paid made $700.00 for no more than 3 hours of work: A $233 hourly wage.

86 in a 65- A Tale of Reckless Driving

In case you didn't know, the Commonwealth of Virginia is out to fuck you for speeding. Let me tell you a story...

In late August, I got up to go to work in the morning like millions of other hardworking Americans. I went to a jobsite, and then got a phone call from a very pissed off client. Long story short, I got bitched out for an hour which resulted in me being completely flustered. I then had to drive to some obscure Civil War Battlefield in Spotsylvania (Yeah, exactly- WHERE?!). SO, I get on the highway (I95S), and start the long trek to the middle of nowhere.

Oh- Time out... I forgot to mention, that after I got bitched out by my client, I went back to my house to shoot out a few quick emails to try and remedy the situation... I was at my house for 5 minutes, and when I got outside, I had a parking ticket. Thanks Arlington. Assholes.

Anyway, I get on 95 S, and at this point in the story, it's 12:00 PM... For those of you non-drivers out there, 12 PM in DC means the Beltway and all surrounding highways are pretty much crystal clear. So, I'm flustered, and I'm driving, and I decide to get in the HOV (high-occupancy-vehicles) lanes because I figure if for some reason traffic is backed up, I'll be good to go in these lanes. Again, for the non-drivers, the HOV lanes are the ones dead center in the picture below. They run North in the morning, South in the afternoon.

So, now I'm in the HOV lanes. I go about 20 miles and end up going 86 in a 65, and BAM, a trooper pulls me over. He says, more or less: "Hi, in Virginia 20mph over the speed limit and over is a misdemeanor criminal offense. Here is your court date."

At this point I'm a little stunned. Criminal offense? For speeding? Seriously? At 12 PM? When nobody is within 500 feet of me? Well, the answers the questions above were: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

This is the law I broke:

§ 46.2-862 Exceeding speed limit - A person shall be guilty of reckless driving who drives a motor vehicle on the highways in the Commonwealth (i) at a speed of twenty miles per hour or more in excess of the applicable maximum speed limit or (ii) in excess of eighty miles per hour regardless of the applicable maximum speed limit.

It gets better... Turns out I was in a "Highway Safety Corridor" when I was speeding. This is what happens in Highway Safety Corridors:

The 2003 General Assembly enacted legislation for a Highway Safety Corridor program to improve safety on interstate and primary roads. In areas designated as Highway Safety Corridors, fines for speeding tickets are increased up to $500 and fines for criminal offenses such as reckless driving or driving under the influence could cost as much as $2,500.

"It is unacceptable to drive in an irresponsible manner in Virginia and there are consequence for those behaviors,” said Vince Burgess, Assistant Commissioner for the Department of Motor Vehicles. “Unfortunately the crash experience for this section of interstate makes it a top candidate. Our goal is to change that as quickly as possible.”

Now I get it... I was speeding, so I should be fined. But $2,500?! That is insane! For speeding in the middle of the afternoon?! That is unreal... And, I love how "reckless driving" and "driving under the influence" are mentioned in the same sentence. Am I, a good driver, as dangerous going fast on an empty road as some drunk asshole? No. All in all, these are ridiculous laws. They clog courts, and are insanely severe. How about targeting people who actually commit REAL crimes and NOT people who drive 40,000 miles/year for work and have one bad day?!

Long story short, I hired a lawyer. $750.00 for her, so it damn well better pay off. If fucking Paris Hilton can drive drunk all over Hollywood and get off with nothing, I deserve at least one Get Out of Jail Free card!

Owl City - Fireflies

I hate this song. Hate is not even a strong enough word to express how I feel actually.

I'm not even going to link to it or embed it because it's EVERYWHERE. It somehow is #4 on iTunes as I type this...

This song is such a blatant rip off of Death Cab for Cutie / The Postal Service... Specifically, I feel like this dude (Owl City) just mixed together "Soul Meets Body" and "Such Great Heights."

Oh well. This is what it takes to go far in the entertainment industry these days! Total lack of creativity, and blatant imitation!

Alright, enough bitterness! Here's my favorite Death Cab song ever to rid your ears of "Fireflies"...

1/2 Marathon Fuel

I'm running a half marathon tomorrow! In spite of marathon "rules" prohibiting headphones, a ton of people wear them during the race- I plan to be one of them. To amp myself up for this 13.1 mile scamper through Baltimore, I have created the following meticulously crafted playlist:

1. Nirvana- Dive
2. Nine Inch Nails- March of the Pigs
3. Bloc Party- One Month Off
4. Soundgarden- Rusty Cage
5. Smashing Pumpkins- Bury Me
Songs #1-#5 are loud, distorted, and fast paced (in the case of #2-4). Listening to them, my body will have no choice but to kick into overdrive and to start pumping out competitive juices.
6. The Roots- The Seed 2.0
7. Raekwon/Wu-Tang- House of Flying Daggers
8. Jay Z/Drake- Off That
Song #6 seems like a good time to switch the genre from rock to hip-hop... That said, what better way to make the switch than with this Roots song which I would argue is one of the best hip-hop songs ever recorded. Following up the Roots, we have Raekwon & Wu-Tang, and Jay Z and Drake, all of who will brag about how bad-ass they are. By the associative theory of music listening, I will be bad-ass too by listening to their songs... or something like that...
9. Static X- Wisconsin Death Trip
After a few hip-hop songs, it will be necessary to throw in a Static X song for no other reason but to ensure that my heartrate is cranking at 500 BPM.
10. The Whip- Trash
11. The Whip- Muzzle #1
At Songs #10 and 11, we'll be around the 1/3 point in the race, and it will be necessary to make sure that I am keeping a steady pace... Hence, two beat-driven songs by the Whip to keep me moving steadily.
12. Rage- Vietnow
13. Rage- Tire Me
14. Pearl Jam- Do the Evolution
After The Whip, we'll need some more ROCK to spike up the adrenaline again... Should any have been lost since Static X, it will be regained after these 3 burners.
15. The Klaxons (Soulwax Remix)- Gravity's Rainbow
16. Basement Jaxx- Rendez-vu
17. MIA- Bucky Done Gone
Time for some high-tempo electronic stuff with plenty of BEAT to it! These three songs total 16 minutes and have such sick beats that they make you almost run effortlessly...
18. Lil'Wayne/Kanye/Eminem/Drake- Forever
19. Living Colour- Which Way to America?
20. Maximo Park- Postcard of a Painting
21. The Misfits- Helena
Songs #18 through 21 are all about variety! I've got hip-hop, rock, indie rock, and punk rock. A smorgisbord of genres to ensure that I'm not getting bored at all!
22. Motorhead- Ace of Spades
23. Motorhead- Love Me Like a Reptile
24. Nine Inch Nails- Discipline
25. Pixies- Debaser
26. Placebo- Second Sight
27. The Presets- Kicking and Screaming
28. Red Hot Chili Peppers- Give It Away
29. Metallica- Fuel
Songs #22-29 are all about the final stretch! They total 27 minutes and I intend to run this last part of the race like a bat out of hell! I've found that Motorhead is the perfect spark for doing so! And what better way to conclude than with RHCP and Metallica?!

29 songs, 2 hours.

If I can't finish in this time, I'm going to kick my own ass. And if I'm running ahead of schedule, then I will skip a song here or there...

Time to pound some more water before I run this thing!

Steve's Favorite Inventions

Hi everybody! Welcome to a new feature in my blog called: "Steve's Favorite Inventions." Every so often (which I will loosely define as anywhere between a 2 day to 12 month period), I will cover one or more of my favorite inventions in the world. Because there are SO many inventions, you will know that the ones that are covered here are TRULY the cream of the crop. In fact, if you see something covered in this series of articles, you should get yourself one immediately.

Without further adieu...

ONE OF MY FAVORITE INVENTIONS IS:


Yes. The Swiffer Duster. These things are BAD ASS. Powered by equal parts science, voodoo, and components of basic to advanced black magic, one can effortlessly drag this along surfaces and they will be dust-free in one pass. I used to use a wet rag to dust, but it just wasn't as effective- I mean, yes, it picks up the dust... But eventually you reach a point where the rag is more or less saturated with dust. The Swiffer somehow accumulates more and more dust, yet leaves none behind.

It kind of reminds me of this science trick my buddy and I used to do back in the day. We would go around to elementary schools and teach ULTRA-basic chemistry. One of our staples was that we would bring in large bags of styrofoam peanuts and some acetone. We would then give each group of 4- 1st graders a plastic cup, and a bag of styrofoam peanuts, and bet them that we could fit more styrofoam peanuts into OUR cup than they could fit into theirs. We typically bet whatever was in our wallets- between us, about $50 (we were in high school at the time... definitely not high-rollers yet). Anyway, what the first graders didn't know is that our cup had a good two inches of acetone in it which would dissolve the styrofoam peanuts. SO, after about the 200th peanut, the kids were baffled and in complete awe of our power. We then explained what was really going on and the whole class instantly joined forces to demand the money in our wallets because "YOU CHEATED!!!!!!!!"

Where I was going with this is that the Swiffer Duster does the same things as the acetone! It EATS dust! It feeds off of it and grows stronger through its consumption. Truly amazing.

What I haven't told a lot of people, is that for the past year, I have been secretly trying to develop the formula behind whatever compound is in the Swiffer Duster's cotton-candy-ish makeup. Just recently, I finally realized it what it was. It is now presented here for all of humanity to see and to use in their own battles against dust bunnies:

A Penny for My Thoughts

I really hate pennies.

More times than not, I go to Panera in the morning to get a large Hazlenut coffee. It's a highlight of my day. I put about 1/4" of honey at the bottom of the cup, 3 seconds of half and half, and 3.5 Sweet and Lows. Then, I take a sip of it and everything about life is awesome! I enter the waking world and am ready to kick ass! THEN, I pay for my coffee, and it comes to $1.97. So, I give the cashier $2.00- TWO one-dollar bills. And what do I get in return? 3 pennies. This infuriates me. What in the hell am I supposed to do with 3 pennies? Save them?

Assuming I were to buy coffee every day I work (50 weeks x 5 days a week = 250 days), I would end up with 250 days*3 pennies/day = 750 pennies. That's $7.50. Whoopdee fucking doo. I'd rather just throw the pennies away every day. I usually just leave them in on the counter in disgust. I once thought about giving the 3 pennies to a homeless person that I would encounter. But then I thought about it. You know what...


... EVEN HOMELESS PEOPLE HATE PENNIES!

I don't blame them. You can't get anything for 3 cents. It's just not 1920 anymore...

Anyway, let's go back to the concept of saving all 750 pennies. I typically take all my change and throw it in a jar at the end of the day. Then, every now and then, I'll roll up the coins- I LOVE rolling quarters, am NEUTRAL about dimes, have general dislike towards nickles, but HATE rolling pennies! The 60 seconds it takes to roll 50 pennies is worth WAY more to me than 50 lousy cents...

I'm getting to a point. There's no sense in bitching about something if you can't propose a solution. SO, my solution is this. Send all pennies to some sort of steel mill that can melt them, and then make a giant dinsaur out of zinc. 3 pennies I don't see every day would make me infinitely happier, and it is most definitely worth a dinosaur down the road.

Think THIS, but 500000 X larger!

This is clearly the optimal solution to an annoying problem. I will begin collecting signatures for a penny dinosaur tomorrow.

I took a test...

I took the "Political Compass Test" today. Apparently, instead of categorizing people as either "left" or "right," it pinpoints you on a two dimensional grid where one axis measures your economic outlooks, and the other measures your social outlooks:

Above is how they break it down...

My results were:


In spite of what results may imply, I still basically feel that all politicians are pretty much incompetent and not in touch with reality, no matter what quadrant they would fall in...

Take the test yourself at: http://www.politicalcompass.org/test

Twilight

Going to and coming back from Kickball this evening, I saw about seven women all reading or carrying around those Twilight books... You know... THESE:


Now I have no idea about the symbolism on the cover, but this series of books is apparently about vampire romance. Judging from the cover, I would have guessed apple orchard maintenance. Anyway, why are all the ladies of DC reading these?! Are they attracted to vampires? Is it a weird fetish? Whatever the reason, I'm certain that these books are complete and total trash. Right up there with the DaVinci Code in the category of "Books that I will never ever read." I mean seriously... vampire romance? I'm pretty sure these books' biggest audience members consist of middle and high school girls. And I'm pretty sure the high school girls into this crap are nerdy.

Okay I'm done. I'm off to go play my new Batman video game. Actually, let's talk about this game for a minute. It's completely badass. It is the antithesis to "Twilight." While "Twilight" is pure unfiltered filth, this video game really tugs at your emotions as Batman, a completely mortal superhero, falls into an elaborate trap sprung by the Joker at Arkham Asylum. Just get it.

Sweet Songs and Bands to Check Out (from July/August)

This month marks an important 1 year anniversary for me.

For one year now, I've been creating a new iTunes playlist monthly and loading it up with the new songs that I hear for each month... I keep meaning to put a monthly post up here to share the best of the best but then I... you know, go on living my life. All that changes today though!

Here are my favorite songs/bands from the past couple months that you should look into!

Links for some of the songs are below...

Junior Boys- "Double Shadow", "In the Morning"
I heard "In the Morning" playing over the PA prior to a Smashing Pumpkins song and have been pretty much obsessed with it ever since... "Double Shadow" is in the same vein in that it is a very mellow song with a cool beat...

Discovery- "Carby", "Orange Shirt", "Osakea Loop Line"

Discovery is like R&B for white people... kindof...?

Phoenix- absolutely anything ever recorded by these guys
Phoenix's new album "Wolfgang Amadaeus" is unfuckwithable! It is just ridiculously good... Hulu has a video of them playing a song called "Liztomania" on SNL and it is fantastic.

Incubus- "Black Heart Inertia"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TyURI8nsbo
I LOVE Incubus and LOVE this song...

Grizzly Bear- "Two Weeks", "Cheerleader"

"Two Weeks" is a phenomenal song... Awesome vocals, cool instrumentals, etc... It has a great summer feel to it... It also sounds like it belongs in the 1950s!

The Gossip- "Heavy Cross"


Gotta be honest here- Their singer scares the living daylights out of me... BUT... this song is REALLY cool... So I suppose I'll have to get over my terror!

Camera Obscura- "French Navy"

Yet another song that sounds like it's from the 50's and 60's! In my opinion, this is another summery song...

Margot and the Nuclear So and Sos- "Broadripple is Burning"


This is just a great mellow song... I just bought a couple of their albums and plan on listening to a lot more stuff by them.

Fleet Foxes- "He Doesn't Know Why"

I just saw the Fleet Foxes live and it was one of the best shows I've seen in a very long time... This song was fantastic live but I encourage everybody to just buy their albums! Better yet, go see them live, because their material (which sounds awesome on CD) is 1000000X better when experienced live...

New Kicks

I bought these just before I went to LA for the 4th of July... I can't explain how awesome they are. They are the most comfortable shoes ever and they give the illusion that I am coming at you at 1,000,000 mph! Of course, that's only an illusion because not even cheetahs can hit that sortof speed (they top out around 70mph FYI).
The shoes look especially 80stastic when I wear them WITH my sweet sunglasses from a month or so ago...

The Proposal

Hollywood: 1
My Brain: -240o8921

In what was a completely unfair matchup, Hollywood destroyed several hundred million of my brain cells yesterday when I willingly sat through the Proposal.

I honestly don't know what I was thinking for me to actually go to this movie... In fact, I think the train of thought that led up to me seeing this movie looked something like below:


That's right- It was a death train of terrible ideas and bad logic.

Anyway, I think the events that caused me to think this good started with me watching "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" on HBO about a month ago. THAT movie is HILARIOUS! Yet, it was also kindof a romantic comedy. I didn't remember it being funny in theaters, but for whatever reason, the second time around I could not stop laughing. Okay? So seeing that movie again and liking it SOMEHOW made me think that I might actually like other movies like that... I've already been called gay by plenty of people for this, so if you're thinking that, think something more original.

Then, one fateful day, I saw a preview for The Proposal which stars A) Ryan Reynolds and B) Sandra Bullock. Ryan Reynolds, to my knowledge at the time, did not do bad movies. After doing Van Wilder (excellent), he set a very high standard for his future features by co-starring in Blade III (actual title: Blade Trinity).

What a dreamboat, right?

Um... so, interesting sidenote- I once dated a girl I met at Best Buy (this is a story in itself... maybe a future blog post) and we went out and I said I really wanted to see Blade III- She then said "Oh my God me too!" She also had ambitions of being a detective (kindof hot!). Anyway, she moved away, but not before we had a date where we actually watched Blade III. It was awesome. We probably should have married each other.

Okay, back to the story at hand- I did not think Ryan Reynolds did bad movies. AND, I was also stupidly thinking that all romantic comedy-ish movies would be like "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." Well, I was wrong on both counts.

Here's the premise of the Proposal:
A dude (R.R) has a bitch of a boss (S.B.) who runs him into the ground UNTIL she runs into a problem- She, a high ranking corporate big shot at a publishing firm, is going to be DEPORTED from the USA to CANADA. She doesn't have time to appeal her case or whatever so in a quick thinking solution, she grabs R.R. and says "I can't be deported because we're getting married!"

Brilliant plot right?

Anyway, when they go to the immigration office to get her visa to stay, the dude who has to clear it is not buying their story. SO, in an effort to make the upcoming marriage look more legitimate, he takes her to his family's home in Alaska where eventually they fall for each other and then have to come clean to everyone about everything blah blah blahb lahbl;dh;aslkds;dklafj;lasd

Horrible. At one point at the end of the movie, she is flying away back to New York and he is standing on the tarmac in Alaska looking dejected- His entire family is around him and then they proceed to do a plot recap just in case viewers are too fucking idiotic to follow the movie:

I've tried to recreate it here but it's just too mindnumblinglybad to get verbatim...
The Dad: "Go get her son!"
the Mom: "Oh no she's in the air"
The Dad: "Why you look sad son"
RR: "Girl go bye bye"
Grandma: "Oh no! She's gone and now you're sad because you actually fell in love with your bitch boss!"

So, there's my experience with the Proposal. I willingly went, and I give it an enthusiastic F-. It was only salvaged by the fact that Laura accompanied me! Two thumbs up for you Laura!

Soon to be blasting from every Adams Morgan bar...

Mixtapes- FREE MUSIC!

There have been a ton of sweet mixtapes lately!

For those that need a definition, Urban Dictionary says a mixtape is:

An "underground" CD that has instrumentals already used by some artists, so the MC in the mixtape raps over these beats to show that they can rap better than the original artists. In these mixtapes there´s also annoying DJs yelling all over the tracks. It´s excellent for upcoming MCs that need to be heard, and for mainstream artists to "keep it gangsta".

I more or less agree with that, though I think that a lot of times, guys will choose backing tracks because they themselves love the song from the original artist, or because it's just insanely popular and makes THEIR song instantly familiar.

Anyway, three awesome mixtapes have come out in the past three months. They've all been free (and legally so too!) so you have NO EXCUSE TO SCOUR THE WEB AND DOWNLOAD THEM IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE THEY'RE SWEET. I'll do my best to put links in but if they're dead or whatever, you're on your own.

Artist #1: Kid Cudi

I downloaded this bad boy in December BUT IT HAS NOT EVEN COME CLOSE TO GETTING OLD YET! It is awesome on all levels- You probably have heard the song "Day and Night" (unless you've been living under a rock) on the radio lately- WELL, the current radio version is more or less ruined by Jim Jones who sounds tranquilized on it. The SWEETER version is on the mixtape. So get it. It also has the absoutely fantastic song: "Maui Wowie"



Finally, Cudi says "Plain Pat what up?!" a lot on it and it's funy every time.

Go here, and download it: http://10deep.com/KIDCUDIMIXTAPE/

If it's not there for some reason, scour the web for it.

I rate the Kid Cudi mixtape a 9/10. It is just ridiculously good. I guarantee you'll like it.

I'm debating seeing Kid Cudi at the 9:30 club except he's somehow playing with Asher Roth who I am not quite sold on... Why can't Kid Cudi have his own damn show?! The mixtape warrants it.

Artist #2: Theophilus London


This (charming) mixtape is a bit more electronic-tinged than the other two I'm talking about, but it's not a bad thing. It gives the whole album a different feel- in a good way. The first three song on this album are lethally cool. They just flow together PERFECTLY- His singing/rapping meshes with the instrumentals perfectly as well, which is pretty cool considering the instrumentals were all their own songs at one point... The 4th track is kindof a disaster- I don't know what drug you have to be on to want to put a Whitney Houston song on your mixtape, but whatever- to each their own.

ANYWAY, to be perfectly honest, I really haven't listened to the rest of the album that thoroughly (I'm a shitty music critic unfortunately), but I give it a very strong recommendation based on the first few songs! AND based on my limited listens, I can say that there are at least three other really awesome songs on it. That's SIX awesome songs for the low price of $0.00.

My personal fav can be listened to here:

http://www.imeem.com/people/uhDu2Mu/music/VjyvOnOU/theophilus-london-hum-drum/

Download the album here (I think): http://www.zshare.net/download/54566314434972bf/

Artist #3: Wale


Best comparison for Wale is that he is a "younger Lupe Fiasco." Lupe is awesome and Wale is too. The dude's even from the rough and tumble parts of DC apparently... Among the shoutouts I've heard are: Baltimore, DC, PG, and Largo (YEAH BLUE LINE!)

Wale is about to blow the hell up. He's all over everything. If you downloaded the Kid Cudi mixtape, you'll find him on that. If you listen to the radio or watch music videos, you'll hear him in this:



That song is sick. So is this mixtape. It even has a million bits of Seinfeld mixed in! He uses a lot of really popular instrumentals- among them: two Roots songs (1 of my 3 favorite bands ever), and Jay Z's Roc Boys... As a fan of all three original songs, I think that the Wale versions sound REALLY good. There is also a HYSTERICAL skit that is #14. You should download the album for the skit alone.

Download the Wale mixtape at: http://10deep.com/WALEMIXTAPE/

Looks like you now have links for three free albums. Go forth and download this shit because it will make you a happy human being.

Do you need SOUL POWER?!

I'm pretty sure this is the only album I own that can be categorized as "100% SOUL." And, it's awesome. This dude's voice is awesome, and the backing instrumentals are money. Here are three songs to look up if you're on the fence: "Ladies," "Money I$ King," and "My World." Here's another that showcases some very cool guitar:

4th of July, Brought to you by Amazon

I've been looking for a kickass outfit for the 4th of July... I think I've settled on this blazingly hot get-up:






If you need to find me on the 4th, I'll be the one being swarmed by ladies.

BAM! I Just Nostalgiacized You in the Face! PART 3

Only two more albums that I want to recognize! The bands/albums in this post are kindof interesting selections since:

1) These aren't the bands' first-ever albums
2) These aren't considered the bands' best albums ever by critics- only me.

9th Grade- Beastie Boys - Hello Nasty (1998)

Yet another album that is disgustingly good from start to finish! The only thing I knew about the Beastie Boys in 9th grade was that they did the song "Girls, Fight for Your Right," and "Brass Monkey"- all awesome songs in their own right, but I had never cared to listen to anything else by them. WELL, one day my friend Jenny was telling me about how a new Beastie Boys album was coming out. A week later, a Rolling Stone issue came out that was interviewing the Beastie Boys about their new album. Around this same time, "Intergalactic" was getting HEAVY rotation on the radio and MTV. Anyhow, I read the interview, thought the band sounded awesome, and so I picked up the album on the day it came out. Just like all the other albums I've talked about, I was drawn in by one song here: "Intergalactic." The song is sick, and the video is sick, and the album turned out to be just stupid amazing.

EVERY song on this disc is good AND- the album has incredible staying power. 11 years later, this STILL is one of my most played ablums. Why is the album good? The lyrics are hilarious, the beats are phenomenal, and there is a lot of variety from track to track. Mix Master Mike is by far the sweetest turntablist on the planet, and the Beasties all have really sweet flows. They paved the way for dudes like Eminem to be taken seriously!

Anyway, because of this album I got into a lot more hip hop, but "Hello Nasty" serves as the meter stick by which I measure all the other stuff that comes my way! In case you were curious, T Pain does not measure up (though that track with Jamie Foxx is SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!).

9th Grade- Rage Against the Machine- Evil Empire (1996)

Ahhh yes, Evil Empire. This album came out in 1996 but I got into it a little bit later as a freshman in high school- The first time I saw the CD, it was in my friend's older brother's record collection. Then, I saw the video for "Bulls on Parade" on MTV (at the same friend's house), and didn't really know what to think. "What was this crazy noise?!" Keep in mind, the whole rap-rock thing wasn't all that big at this point and people weren't familiar with Tom Morello's guitar craziness either! ANYHOW, I actually don't remember at what point I was inspired to own this album, but it happened- I went to school one day and paid this guy Adam $5.00 (cold hard cash) to use his amazing CD burner technology to copy the album for me. And sure enough, I had it the next day! Again, I can't ever really remember listening to it a lot in high school, but as it stands today, this is one of my favorite albums ever and it still gets very heavy rotation in my life!

I consider this album better than the self titled one, and the band's best album overall! Any album with lyrics like: "Turn on the radio, nah, fuck it, turn it off- fear is your only God on the radio!" - is sweet! The whole album is just SO musically tight. Listening to it is the equivalent of injecting steroids and stimulants. It makes you run faster, lift harder, and probably fight more viciously! My favorite songs on this album are probably Vietnow, Tire Me, and Down Rodeo- all of these are lesser known Rage... songs but stellar none the less!

Another awesome thing that I appreciate about Rage a lot more today is how politically active they are/were. Though some of their stances are a bit questionable, for the most part, I think they are pretty awesome for standing up to a lot of bad shit in the world... Look up the band on Wikipedia if you're interested and reach you're own opinion on it.

Anyway, just like "Hello Nasty," I crank out "Evil Empire" out quite a bit these days too!

New Shades

I got SICKNASTY new shades! Wearing these shades can only result in one of two outcomes I think:

Outcome #1: People see me in these shades and say- "Damn, those are awesome. That guy is cool."

Outcome #2: People see me in these shades and say- "That guy is a total douchebag."

When you make the commitment to wearing cyan and tangerine sunglasses, there's not really a whole lot of middle ground or gray area. I'm hoping Outcome #1 occurs the majority of the time.

Back with a Vengeance!

Holy crap!

Time certainly flies when you are completely swamped with life. It's been a whirlwind last couple months!

Here's a quick recap:

1) Remember all those soccer games I was pumped about? Well they all had neutral to terrible results. Arsenal got worked over by Chelsea in the FA Cup semis, and then got murdered by Manchester United in the Champions League Semis. Dark times! Now, two months later, the soccer season is officially over and my team is trophyless. On a positive note however, I think this team is going to crush skulls next year.

President of Skull Crushing Operations for Arsenal: Andrei Arshavin
This mofo went totally batshit bonkers on Liverpool and scored FOUR goals. Insane.

2) I held my birthday celebration in NYC, and it was, as I anticipated, phenomenal.

3) The NFL draft went awesome for my Packers which helped offset some of the Arsenal losses. The Pack is going to be sick this year. Just wait.

4) I bought a subscription to the Economist. It has quickly become my favorite magazine but Jesus- it requires a hell of a time commitment to get through the whole thing every week. It pays off though because I end up feeling a little smarter and a little more in touch with the world.

5) In no particular order: I went sailing in Annapolis, attended a Prince vs MJ vs Madonna dance party, and spent a weekend in Michigan for a wedding.

Everybody look at me I'm on a motherfucking boat.Believe me when I say, I _____d a mermaid...
Also, how many of you recognize my badass necklace?

MJ makes everybody act absolutely ridiculous.

6) I started a "diet." This inevitably will become its own post because trying to "eat right" is mindbogglingly frustrating and borderline impossible

7) I discovered a metric shit-ton of new music and have lined up several summer concerts.

More posts that will discuss all these things and more are coming for my two dear follower: Jack and Teats.

Patience is a virtue people, but let the blogging recommence... now.

There is SO MUCH to look forward to...

There's so much good stuff to look forward to ladies and gentlemen!

4/18- Arsenal is going to destroy Chelsea in the FA Cup Semifinal- I plan to be at the bar for this event. I can't believe that I'm still actually following soccer! I'll admit, I wasn't all that serious about deciding to follow the sport when I made the decision to in the fall. BUT, I actually am borderline addicted to this team now! A post will eventually come that describes this...

4/21- Arsenal v. Liverpool- this game is HUGE! My roommate is a Liverpool fan and so our house will be so bitterly divided when watching this game. Arsenal better win. They haven't lost a match in at least the past 10.

4/25-2/26- NFL Draft baby! I am pumped about this because the Packers have a high pick and this draft is so loaded- I don't think they can screw this pick up. They will probably end up with some stud who will make an instant impact. Life will be good. Choirs of angels will sing from the heavens.

4/29- Next round of the Champion's League! Arsenal v. Manchester United. I haven't been following soccer long, but I HATE Manchester United. They are the Yankees of English Premier League Soccer. Wait, people won't understand this because nobody watches baseball. They are like the Cowboys! If you're not a Cowboys fan, you HATE the Cowboys! That's just how life works.

5/2- BIRTHDAY!

5/5- 2nd leg of Arsenal v. Manchester United! The only way I won't be excited about this is if we get punished the 1st leg...

... and all this brings us to the onset of summer- at least as far as it is concerned with the megalopolitan DC area. In May, we'll have 70 degree temperatures regularly, and everybody will be in better spirits for it.

BAM! I Just Nostalgiacized you in the face! Part 2

Where did we leave off? Sometime around 6th/7th grade I believe...

As my last post indicated, I was slowly but surely transitioning into liking rock music (from shitty euro-pop). These are all albums that helped me make this transition:

7th grade-ish... Red Hot Chili Peppers - One Hot Minute (1995)


At the time I purchased this album, the only song I knew by the Chili Peppers was "Aeroplane." And I f*ing LOVED that song! In middle school ski club, a couple friends and I would scream this song at the top of our lungs from the chairlift- it was THAT awesome. I can't even explain how clearly I remember doing this haha... Interestingly enough, my college roommate was able to play this song on his bass (it has a sick bassline), and I think that was one of the first facts I learned about him- It made him cool in my book I suppose!



After I got over my obsession with "Aeroplane," I started discovering the other songs on the album like "Warped" (which was on the Twister soundtrack I believe), "Deep Kick," and my personal favorite: "Coffee Shop." If you have never heard "Coffee Shop," you need to get on iTunes and download it immediately- it is pure unfiltered ROCK.

Another very memorable moment I have that is related to this album is that the day after I bought it, I came into school into Mrs. March's english class and I was talking to my friend Jenny, and I said: "Dude, I just got 'One Hot Minute' by the Chili Peppers." WELL, it just so happened that another kid in my class (Chris) heard me, and said very loudly: "WHAT?! STEVE- YOU WANT ONE HOT MINUTE WITH JENNY?!"

These were very mature days.

Still 7th Grade-ish... Nine Inch Nails - Broken


Still in 7th grade, I recall having a birthday party towards the end of the school year. One of my friends asked me what I wanted and I said: "Get me a Nine Inch Nails CD!" I'm pretty sure I was just trying to be cool and sound all hip and rock star at the time, but that's beside the point! Long story short, she ended up getting me "Broken" and this instantly became the hardest record I owned! I owned this album LONG before I ever bought "The Downward Spiral."

My favorite songs on it are "Last, Wish," and "Physical." "Physical" is an Adam Ant cover and is hidden on the album as Track #98. If you've never heard it, you need to download that ASAFP!




Skipping ahead a little bit to 1996/1997 I remember going to Best Buy with one of my parents and begging them to pay for a couple CDs (at this stage in my life, I still had no income of my own... Alas...). On this particular occasion, I got them to buy me:

Radiohead - OK Computer Sublime - Sublime

This day was one of the most important days ever in my life I think. The amount that I love both of these albums to this day is a testament to how awesome they are... We'll start with Sublime.

I first got into Sublime because I was at some friend's house watching MTV (back when they played music) and saw the video for the song "Wrong Way." I fell in love with this song and after hearing it, Sublime could do no wrong. Looking back, I find it interesting that it was this song that hooked me and not "What I Got" or "Santeria" as these songs are the ones that everybody remembers most easily these days. After all, I think every college band that I remember covered ONE of those two!

This album truly crushes the test of time though. There are so many good songs on it! Over the past 10 years, I think I must have changed my favorite song on the album at least 5 times.

At first, it was "Wrong Way." Then, "What I Got." Then, "Santeria." Then, "April 29,1992." THEN, "Jailhouse." THEN, "Burritos." And now, I think it's either "Burritos" or "Seed."

This isn't a real video of "Seed," but whatever... we make do with what we have:


The solos throughout this entire album are so sick. The one in "Seed" is AWESOME. Same with "Burritos." God. I could listen to this album whenever whereever.

On that note, here's a brief funny story: On spring break my senior year in high school a bunch of my friends and I went to Puerto Vallarta. While there, we became friends with a few dudes from Indiana. Anyway, one night they were all drinking out in this open lobby area, and they had a few Discmen and a few CDs laying on the table. All the CDs were "Ghetto D" by Master P. Apparently, they could listen to THAT album whenever whereever. I guess you had to be there.

Back to my train of thought, die-hard Sublime enthusiasts might believe that "40 oz to freedom" was a better album than the self-titled one, and that's a fair arguement to make. But for me, the self-titled one is infinitely better! Typically, the first album I hear from a band usually has some weirdly extreme sentimental value to it. This observation also applies to the first albums I heard from Red Hot Chili Peppers (One Hot Minute), Rage Against the Machine (Evil Empire), and Radiohead (OK Computer). For at least the Chili Peppers and Rage, those albums were not their most critically acclaimed, but I think they are the best material the bands ever put out- SOLELY because it was my introduction to them.

Returning to 7th grade, after I played "Wrong Way" a million times the day I got the Sublime CD, I threw in "OK Computer" by Radiohead. Talk about a switch up in music genres huh?!


I got into Radiohead again because of MTV. I was somewhere at sometime and I saw the video for "Paranoid Android." I found it to be totally awesome.



Watching it for the first time in several years, I have to say that the video is SO WEIRD. Anyway, like the Sublime album, my favorite song on "OK Computer" has changed multiple times. Obviously it started with "Paranoid Android." But I was always a huge fan of "Electioneering" which my alcohol-oriented college band covered sloppily! Today, I have a trio of favorites on the album: "Let Down, Climbing the Walls, and No Surprises"

Critics widely consider this one of the best alternative rock albums ever and I think this is one of the few times I would agree with them. I think this is Radiohead's best album ever, and one of the greatest albums of the past 20 years.

These days, I'd have to say that my current musical taste is a pretty eclectic mix of all of the artists and albums discussed in this post... There are still a few more superalbums that helped shape my interest in music though SO looks like we're going to have a Post #3 coming up in the near future!

BAM! I Just Nostalgiacized you in the face! Part 1

FYI readers, "Nostalgiacize" is my invention. The patent is pending. So, I suppose you can use it now, but soon, when you say that word you'll have to pay me royalties.

Anyway. Recently my Sirius radio has been cranking out a lot of Gin Blossoms, and it always gets the same reaction out of me. I always think: "Damn... these guys were pretty legit." THEN, I nostalgiacize and remember all of the music that I got into in elementary, middle, and high school, and how it has turned me into the music lover that I am today. So, I thought it'd be cool to make a list of the albums that I consider as having huge impacts on me. Here they are along with any related stories that I have distinct memories of. This will be PART 1 of a multi-part blog entry. And by multi, I mean probably two total.

4th/5th Grade? Ace of Base- The Sign

OBVIOUSLY, this album would be on anybody's list.

I could pretend to be cool here and say: "Oh man, these were dark days for my musical taste," but fuck that. Fuck that because Ace of Base STILL is awesome. Well... at least the album "The Sign." This was the first CD I ever bought... EVER. And by "bought," I mean that my mom paid for it at the store. Interestingly enough, the same day we bought this CD was the day we got our first CD player for our house. The first time I listened to the album, I played "The Sign" approximately 100x in a row. For whatever reason, as a kid you can listen to a song on repeat like this and not get the least bit irritated. For a solid month I don't think I was aware that there were other songs on the album. But then I got adventurous and eventually discovered the other classics buried on the CD: "Don't Turn Around," "All that She Wants," and my personal favorite, "Wheel of Fortune."



My favorite member of the band was the male rapper because at this phase of my life, I think I thought he was cool. TODAY though, I look back and think: "Dude, he HAD to be joking... right?!" At one point, I'm pretty sure I knew all the words to the entire CD. I also recall hanging out at a friend's house, and belting out the lyrics to the songs as they played WHILE jumping on a trampoline. Wait... what? I mean... that never happened. Go away.

Still 4th Grade-ish I think... Gin Blossoms- New Miserable Experience


The Gin Blossoms have come full circle for me. I first got into them because of the song "Allison Road." I had a mild obsession with this song and I'm pretty sure that it was the only one I liked at the time (out of every other song on Earth).



As a sidenote, how many TVs does that damn house have?! And why are there dudes carrying them around randomly from room to room?!

Once I got over the hump of "Allison Road," I listened to the rest of the CD for a good couple months. Eventually though, the album was buried and I really never heard much from the Gin Blossoms again until they because ubiquitous on the Sirius 90s rock channel (Lithium 24). Now, I think I need to repurchase the album because there are so man good songs on it! The Gin Blossoms were/are a solid, high quality mainstream rock band! Compare that to what's mainstream now, and it's easy to observe a noiceable drop in musical talent over time. I would take the Gin Blossoms over Nickelback and 3 Doors Down and the other trashy bands today in a heartbeat.

The reason this album was important to me was because it opened the door to rock. I was gradually able to tear myself away from the Europop of Ace of Base and start getting into music that had guitar in it!

5th-6th Grade I think... Offspring- Smash

This album is so untouchable. It starts out with a soothing narrative in "Time to Relax." You think: "Hey, this is cool... There's this dude talking about how he just wants to chill out. That's fine." BUT THEN, "Nitro" starts and your heart starts going 100000000 bpm just to keep up with the drumming! From beginning to end, this album is so classic. I bought it for the single "Come out and play," but definitely didn't expect to be so into the rest of it! I specifically recall the song "Bad Habit" because of the line "You stupid dumbshit goddamn motherfucker!" followed by a heavy dose of power chords! As I was still under my parents' roof at the time, I could not swear as I like, and so by playing this song I felt like I was rebelling against the system... or something. Anyway, my friends and I loved that album at the time. This was THE perfect album to scream along to at the top of your lungs. "Gotta get away," "Self Esteem," and "Come out and play" were the hit singles, but the rest of the album was mindblowingly cool. Five stars. A+. Top of the line.

Offspring released maybe one more good album after that before essentially selling out and putting out some really trashy stuff...

Well, that about sums up Part 1.
Just for kicks, I'll throw in a few radio singles that I was into during this 4th-6th grade phase:

John Mellencamp- Wild Night
This was the cougar's cover of Van Morrison, EXCEPT they changed the bassline to make it LETHALLY awesome.

At the risk of being made fun of incessantly,
Seal-Kiss from a rose

Hey... we all make mistakes.

Finally,
Real McCoy- Another Night
In the land of 6th grade middle school after-school dances, Real Mccoy was king.