A Penny for My Thoughts

I really hate pennies.

More times than not, I go to Panera in the morning to get a large Hazlenut coffee. It's a highlight of my day. I put about 1/4" of honey at the bottom of the cup, 3 seconds of half and half, and 3.5 Sweet and Lows. Then, I take a sip of it and everything about life is awesome! I enter the waking world and am ready to kick ass! THEN, I pay for my coffee, and it comes to $1.97. So, I give the cashier $2.00- TWO one-dollar bills. And what do I get in return? 3 pennies. This infuriates me. What in the hell am I supposed to do with 3 pennies? Save them?

Assuming I were to buy coffee every day I work (50 weeks x 5 days a week = 250 days), I would end up with 250 days*3 pennies/day = 750 pennies. That's $7.50. Whoopdee fucking doo. I'd rather just throw the pennies away every day. I usually just leave them in on the counter in disgust. I once thought about giving the 3 pennies to a homeless person that I would encounter. But then I thought about it. You know what...


... EVEN HOMELESS PEOPLE HATE PENNIES!

I don't blame them. You can't get anything for 3 cents. It's just not 1920 anymore...

Anyway, let's go back to the concept of saving all 750 pennies. I typically take all my change and throw it in a jar at the end of the day. Then, every now and then, I'll roll up the coins- I LOVE rolling quarters, am NEUTRAL about dimes, have general dislike towards nickles, but HATE rolling pennies! The 60 seconds it takes to roll 50 pennies is worth WAY more to me than 50 lousy cents...

I'm getting to a point. There's no sense in bitching about something if you can't propose a solution. SO, my solution is this. Send all pennies to some sort of steel mill that can melt them, and then make a giant dinsaur out of zinc. 3 pennies I don't see every day would make me infinitely happier, and it is most definitely worth a dinosaur down the road.

Think THIS, but 500000 X larger!

This is clearly the optimal solution to an annoying problem. I will begin collecting signatures for a penny dinosaur tomorrow.