What a pain in the ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111

I've been inactive for a while.

My computer decided to get infested with Spyware, Malware, Silverware, every type of "-ware" imaginable and the 40+ hours or so it took trying to get and getting my system back on track was so very very painful! I was incredibly close to saying "Fuck it all!" and heading to the Apple store down the road to get a new laptop. But, $2000.00 is a lot to drop so I decided to try and fix my computer... Here's what transpired... my general thoughts throughout this hellish joureney are in blue:

1) Sometime around Black Friday, I was trying to buy something on the Internet through Firefox but the website wouldn't load properly. So, I opened up Internet Explorer (a cardinal sin...). Next thing I know, I start getting a silly amount of pop-ups and Windows Security Updates telling me that my system is at risk, yada, yada, yada. Do I have some crazy virus?

2) The pop-ups begin to drive me mad as they make the internet a nightmare to use. It gets to the point where I'm looking at something in Firefox when all of a sudden some commercial starts playing over my speakers. Then, the pop-up window for the commercial finally shows up a minute later. Shit like this begins to happen once every few minutes. I definitely have a virus or some shit.

3) I start Googling the problems I'm experiencing, and holy shit, seems like half of America is having similar issues! Why? Because Windows is a shitty product with shitty security features and Internet Explorer is 10X as shitty as Windows. Anyway, the web research (being performed on my work laptop because my infected computer is driving me batshit bonkers) reveals that I have spyware out the wazu. I don't have time for this! I should just throw this goddamn worthless box out the fucking window.

4) I visit approximately 3,000 sites that all suggest different Spyware software and procedures to use that will allegedly solve my spyware infestation. I spend about $100 on various software meant to clean my system... I run all the new spyware-destroying, virus-scanning-and-eliminating software, and all indicators say that my system is clean... BUTTTTTTTTTT, I somehow am still getting pop-ups every few minutes, but they're just blank screens. At this point though, I'm willing to live with this just so I can have the Internet again...

5) AFTER FINALLY "FIXING" THE SPYWARE ISSUES, WINDOWS DECIDES TO AUTOMATICALLY INSTALL SOME NEW UPDATE THAT COMPLETLY CUTS OUT MY INTERNET CONNECTION. This is unbelievable. I should really just buy a Mac. I want to rip my eyes out. Microsoft can burn in hell.

6) After trying for about a week to get my Internet back, I come to the conclusion that nothing is going to work. Instead of buying a new computer, I decide to wipe Windows clean, reformat my hard drive, and reinstall Windows XP. Okay Steve- you can do this. Just think, you're saving $2000 that would otherwise be spent on a new computer.

7) I begin my Windows reinstallation journey one cold December night. Everything goes surprisingly smoothly and a few hours later, I reboot my computer and welcomed with a clean slate! BUT, then I realize that I have no: sound, correct video settings, internet, CD drive recognition, etc. I love this. I really do. This is so fun. I want to die.

8) To get my system back on track, I realize that I need all the drivers for my sound card, video card, internet adapter, cd drive, etc- But, because I have no internet, I have to constantly look up the drivers on my work laptop, and then shuttle them to my desktop via flash drive. It's a pain in the ass, and after installing new drivers, NOTHING WORKS! ...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

9) I identify the Internet issue. Turns out, Linksys cannot make a USB wireless internet adapter to save their fucking lives. I owned one already, but because I thought it was defective, I bought another for $50 only to realize that they're not defective, they just SUCK ASS. SO THEN, because the Linksys adapter refuses to cooperate, I have to order a new wireless internet card to actually install in the back of my computer. Another $30 and a nice 4 day wait for delivery. Awesome. This is a bottomless pit of money spending that is not solving anything.

10) The new wireless internet card comes, I install it, and (SHOCKER) it WORKS LIKE A CHARM! I HAVE INTERNET! The same day, I go on a downloading spree of new drivers, etc for my sound card, but still no luck. I do a couple hours of research and random downloading, and it turns out that all I needed were a few "plug-ins." I install the plug-ins, and VOILA! I HAVE SOUND TOO NOW! I work late into the evening downloading all my old programs: Winamp, iTunes, Opera, Flickr Uploader, Soulseek, etc. Finally finally finally, it looks like I'm back on track!

REALIZATIONS:
- I am a huge nerd. I depend on my computer way too much. I am obsessed with the Internet, and even more obsessed with my music collection.
- Microsoft and Windows SUCK. They are worthless. They can work flawlessly for a long period of time but IT IS A GIVEN THAT YOU WILL BE FUCKED BY THEM WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT!
- If Apple truly can stay resistant to spyware, malware, and viruses, it's definitely going to be my next computer.
- After spending about $200 to get through this little fiasco, maybe I should have just cut my losses and gone with a new computer anyhow! Oh well... In my mind, I'm still telling my self I saved $2000.00

Thanksgiving in the Hizouse

It's Saturday night and it has certainly been a fun 4-day weekend thus far!

Festivities kicked off Wednesday night when Jack, Page, Eamonn, and I got together for a pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving meal. Jack supplied a @#$%!@$^!@# AWESOME turkey that was stuffed with... stuffing. Page supplied green bean casserole, cheesy potatoes, sausage balls, and pumpkin pie. Eamonn & I brought rice and gravy... I felt like such an underachiever. However, to my credit, the rice was unreal. By the time dinner was over, I am willing to bet I was 8.23 lbs heavier. I could barely move. For that reason, I really shouldn't have gone to the bar afterwards but peer pressure will get you every time (if you're of low self esteem and willpower like myself). We ended up going to the Clarendon Grill which was not all that fun- I think you have to be with at least 6 other friends and be pretty hammered to have a good time there. All in all, I give Wednesday Evening a 4.82/5 thanks to the AMAZING food.

Thursday night was a good time all around. It consisted of:
1) Guitar Hero/Rock Band!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, I had not played these types of games for a while so I was incredibly pleasantly surprised when I found out that GUITAR HERO WORLD TOUR had come out- Basically, it is the same game as Rock Band except it uses a WAY more badass drumset:
Do you SEE the dual cymbals?! How awesome is that?! My crowning achievement of the night was playing "Beat It" on the HARD difficulty. I have a new respect for drummers now because my arms were pretty tired after that song. Anyway, after Guitar Hero World Tour, we watched one of the most badass movies of all time:

2)
YES! POINT BREAK! Point Break is possibly the sweetest movie ever. Also, please note that we did not just watch Point Break, but we watched the PURE ADRENALINE EDITION! I don't know what the difference is because even if you were to watch a Japanese dubbed version of this movie and couldn't follow the plot, your heart would still be going about 1230948 beats per minute due to the superintense action. Why is this movie so awesome? Let me count the ways:

1) Hot female lead? Check.
2) Keanu Reeves? Check.
3) Keanu Reeves' character having a totally sweet name? (It's "Johnny Utah") CHECK!
4) Surfing? Check.
5) Bank robberies? Check.
6) JUMPING OUT OF A PLANE WITHOUT A PARACHUTE?! CHECK!!!!
7) Gratuitous use of the words "definitely" and "radical"? Check!

I mean, even the Red Hot Chili Peppers make a cameo! If you have not seen this movie, you are a terrorist, and nobody likes a terrorist.

For your viewing pleasure:



Friday night was relatively laid back. Jack, Eamonn, and I got some Indian food at Tandoori Nights in Arlington, and then watched "Hot Fuzz." Not much to say about this movie other than it was kindof funny, really long, and probably about a 6/10.

ALTHOUGH, it did have one great scene where it was making fun of "Point Break"- this was probably 10X as funny as it should have been seeing that we had just watched "Point Break" the night before!

Saturday has been an up and down sort of day so far. I realized that sometime around Friday night, my computer had been infected with spy/mal/shitware so that now I get these annoying pop-ups every minute or so. SO, this morning, I spent a couple hours installing every spyware killing program known to man. I don't think it's completely solved the problem but at least its manageable now. I swear that I am never going to buy a PC again!

After the computer debacle, I started looking at new phones. I'm torn between going to Verizon and getting this:
OR going to AT&T and getting an iPhone.

The Verizon route is $50 for the phone, and $50/mo for a substantial amount of minutes and unlimiting texting.
The ATT&T route is $300 for the phone, and $30/mo for unlimited data+$40/mo for the voice plan + $5 for 200 incoming/outgoing text messages which = $75 total/mo. BUT, since I would most likely exceed the 200 text messages, I'd be looking at about 80/mo.

SO, in all, over the course of a 2 year contract, it's about $1000 more for the iPhone. And that's assuming I don't accidentally kick it into a pool or something. I'm not beyond doing something stupid like that!

While I was researching phones today, I stumbled across a really funny Yahoo question-
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjSVtJTqS1fYedFYQ2DhL.O3xQt.;_ylv=3?qid=20081128231659AAzNplQ

Please look at it.

Anyway, I actually went to Best Buy today with the intent of making a spontaneous decision about going with either Verizon or ATT, but instead I ended up buying Fallout 3 for Xbox 360.
For those of you who don't know, Fallout 3 takes place in a post-apocalyptic DC- note the crumbling Washington monument in the picture above. I'm really hoping the game involves zombie-killing but I guess I won't know until tomorrow when I pop it in. I'll keep you updated.

On tap for tomorrow is:
1) Chelsea-Arsenal soccer game in the morning
2) Packers-Panthers game in the afternoon
3) Zombie killing (please!)

Should be a good time!

This song rocks.

I really like this song:

Gang Gang Dance- House Jam



That's all. There's a pretty cool video of it being played live on YouTube as well, but you should listen to the studio version first.

Fresh Dose of New Music: 6 Sweet Songs

Since my blog has absolutely zero thematic consistency, I thought I would try and establish some sort of reoccurring music post. How reoccurring? No idea, but it will occur again. This I guarantee. Here are some songs that I have been very into lately… Not all of these are necessarily “New” though:

Smashing Pumpkins – Once Upon a Time

This song is incredibly mellow. I think when I bought “Adore” a long time ago, I really underappreciated it because I’ve been listening to it quite a lot lately and enjoying it a ton! Last week I saw the Pumpkins (sans D’arcy & James) in DC and they played this song- it sounded so amazing that I didn’t know why I had ignored it for so long!

Smashing Pumpkins – Shame

Another song off of “Adore” that I didn’t appreciate it until it was played live. This was played when I saw the Pumpkins in North Carolina and at the 9:30 club in DC last year- Like I said, I completely underappreciated it before. In a weird way, it sortof reminds me of the song “Drown” because there are undertones of that same “Drown”-like feedback…

Junior Boys – In the Morning

I heard this song for the first time just a week ago- It was playing just before the Pumpkins came on stage in DC. I pestered Nichole like 50 times to figure out who sang it. She did. Thank goodness because I was searching for it thinking the title was “Too Young” (a repeated phrase in the song).

Sufjan Stevens- Come On! Feel the Illinoise!

Okay… I may be getting this song confused with one of his other songs “Chicago,” but I’m pretty sure I intend to mention this one. I could just confirm this via iTunes but I’m lazy. Anyhoo, this song rocks. Right around the 2:40 mark, it completely transitions into what seems like a separate song, and I LOVE when that happens (See “Reptilia” by the Strokes, although that one bounces back and forth between two “songs”). I see this song rapidly storming up my Top 40 Most Played iTunes tracks. Ironically, I have had this album for a while but never listened to it because I thought it would pale in comparison to the Michigan album. Now, I listen to this track all the time but nothing else off of it because I think it will pale in comparison. What can I say? I’m a complex individual.

Beatles- Do You Want to Know a Secret?

Somehow, I never had heard this song because I never had the Beatles’ first album, “Please please me.” But this song rocks. If it were to be released now, it’d be tacky. But it’s the Beatles so I guess they’re off-limits for criticizing, and can’t be considered tacky.

Ron Browz- Pop Champagne

I’ve listed five truly good songs so I deserve to mention one that is bad and a guilty pleasure- this one. I usually hate trashy hip hop songs like this but my god this song is HOT YO!

Yeah... I dunno.

Open Letter to President-Elect Barack Obama

President Obama,

First and foremost, congratulations on your amazing ascent to the most powerful position in the world. Now, to business. If you check your campaign's records, you will notice a $25.00 contribution from yours truly. That said, I think you can spare a few minutes of your time to read my important message.

President Obama, you say you want to CHANGE Washington, and CHANGE the world. You want to focus on bailing out MAIN street. You want to end useless wars and focus our attention on the true hotbeds of terror. But I ask you this sir: HOW CAN WE DO THIS WHEN OUR NATION IS ASLEEP? Allow me to explain. This country has unlimited potential, but so much of it is lost due to the sleepiness that persists from coast to coast. Let's take myself as an example. Do you know what time I get up? 5:45 AM. Do you know what time I get back from work? 7:00 PM. Then, I eat work out, eat dinner, relax for a minute, and try to go to bed early. On a good night, I get 6 hours of sleep. Sir, I'm no mathemagician, but 6 hours does not equal the 8 hours that everybody says is the minimum amount that a body needs to function successfully. And I George-Foreman-guarantee that the majority of other Americans are experiencing sleep deprivation just like me.

Sir, what we need is a siesta. Before we can change things for the better, we need to wake up. Not with energy drinks or $5.00 Venti pumpkin spice lattes, but through that amazing mid-day nap that our Spanish friends have perfected. This is one initiative that I'm sure Democrats and Republicans can agree will be beneficial to the country. Your popularity would skyrocket, and the nation would thank you as a savior of a sleep. Please contact me at your earliest convenience, and we can discuss arranging a visit for me to introduce this idea to the House and Senate.

Thank you,
Steve

PS: What kind of puppy are you going to get?

Halloween 2008

Halloween 2008 just happened. It was total madness!

Since I've spent the last few Halloweens in DC, I decided to shake things up a bit and head to Baltimore where my old roommate(Matt)'s girlfriend (Erica) was throwing a Halloween party in Fells Point. Accompanying me were a few friends (Chris, Brandon, Kasey, Kurt) and a BIG TIME attitude for fun!

Chris was a gecko, Brandon threw on a Michigan jersey and a bunch of construction gear (a metaphor for our shitty rebuilding team, and Kasey was a referee). I donned my GREENMAN costume from Its Always Sunny and the results were awesome! Look carefully in the picture below- I didn't even think I was in it the first time! I look like a green tumor on the gecko!



The night kicked off at Erica's party where I got really really really really really drunk. I blame this on the crabcake I had for dinner- it was not nearly as substantial as it needed to be. The pulls of tequila we took probably did not help either. Anyway, hilarity ensued. For the viewing pleasure of the 3 or so readers of this blog, may I present the following pictures which recap the night beautifully.

Chris & I in all of our green glory. The girl in between us had a very cool ALICE costume, made even COOLER by the "Drink Me" bottle that she was carrying around...

I talked to a blue Crayola crayon for a while about salsa dancing. I don't know a damn thing about salsa dancing but the crayon did, and she tried teaching me. I am pretty sure I crushed 6 of her toes. She is somewhere in Baltimore today cursing the "ass in the green spandex." In retrospect, this is really funny because only in a VERY drunk state of mind can you actually think that you can pick up salsa dancing in like 5 minutes! Anyway, blue crayon, if you're out there, let's salsa again sometime!

Only on Halloween... We eventually left the party and headed out to Fells Point. It is worth noting that I barely remember anything from this point on!

Apparently I ran into another Greenman and the people in the streets thought there should be a dance-off. I probably kicked his ass since I'm a dancing machine, but I don't remember...

Maybe this girl remembers... She seems pretty into the dance-off.

Awesome times all around!

So that's that! It was an awesome night and I give Halloween 2008 two enthusiastic thumbs up! Now I will leave you with this important piece of advice: IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA YET, GO OUT AND BUY ALL THREE SEASONS IMMEDIATELY! YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT! I must have told 20 people this last night!

Michigan Football 2008 : (

Being a Michigan Football fan is incredibly difficult this year. The team is nothing short of terrible and shows little to no improvement from game to game. The overall situation has reached the point of crisis, and it is clearly affecting people. What follows is various text message correspondence I've had with friends and enemies (Penn Staters). It's actually pretty funny to see how angry and disenchanted people are getting! Of course, I don't pretend to NOT be one of those people. Pay special attention to Jordan's messages since I think his are the funniest by far!

Anyway, here it is for your reading pleasure (unfortunately, I don't have any of my text messages from before the Wisconsin game... chances are, they were equally humorous). MY thoughts/comments about various text messages are in blue...:

Game: Wisconsin (Obviously, this is the game where we played like total shit the 1st half and then staged a miraculous 2nd half comeback to win!)
1^st Half, Getting Killed:

Eamonn (Diehard Michigan fan):
-Watching our offense in person is painful. PS we are never going to be able to recruit a receiver ever again.

Jordan:
-I hate this offense. I hate this team. I hate Rich Rodriguez, and I hate Bill Martin.

Jordan, replying to my statement that Lloyd could not do much better with this team:
-Mallett would be there along with three other O-lineman who bolted. Just can not fathom they could be this inept. Ever.

2^nd Half, The Comeback Begins:

Jordan
-I will say this, this team keeps fighting.

Post-Game:

Jordan, on winning the game and the possibility of my friend and I going to Pasadena for the Rose Bowl:
-Tell her I’ve got a place for us to stay in Pasadena.

and then 5 minutes later...

-Believe

Eamonn:
-I changed my mind about this game being no fun.

Game: Illinois
Pre-Game

Jordan:
-The Juice is NOT loose.

Little did we know the Juice would be totally loose all game.

Post-Loss

Matt (PSU Fan):
-Is this the same Illinois that PSU dominated last week?

This comment almost caused me to smash my phone.

Nichole (Diehard Michigan fan):
-Yeah, I am glad I didn’t witness that shit.

Nichole didn't witness the game because she had to puke multiple times due to a wicked hangover. Respect.

Game: Toledo
Post-Loss

Matt :
-Seriously?

C'mon... Toledo's not THAT bad...

Chris (PSU Fan):
-You guys suck.

Man... Toledo's really bad and we lost to them...

Jordan:
-Nice team we have

If there was ever a need for SARCASM font, it was for the above statement.

Game: Penn State

Ralph:
-Yeah baby!! We are “beating” Michigan.

I like how beating was quoted as if to say that beating us is the easiest thing in the world... which it is this year.

Nichole:
-I hate their cheers.

Nichole went to Penn St for the game! Boy did she get a treat!

Ralph:
-Hey I waited 10 games. Let me have this one.

This is true... Penn State did drop 9 in a row to us... but still, I wanted to make it 10.

Jordan:
-Terminate the entire fucking program.

Hahahaha... Jordan should be athletic director.

Game: Michigan State

Pregame Correspondence:

Jordan:
-Blue will get it done tomorrow, no doubt baby. Sorry Sparty.

Me:
- I love your violent mood swings regarding our teams’ ability!

This sums up Jordan's views on our team this year!

Jordan:
-I just watched a special on big ten network about UM. Bo won’t let us lose tomorrow because tradition doesn’t die. Go Blue.

Well that's that! Here's to hoping we win this week!

Until kickoff, satisfy yourselves with this list of things to show to "Little Brother:"

http://www.michigandaily.com/content/2008-10-23/youre-little-brother-because

Obama & McCain... BFFs

I think this is the perfect analogy for the relationship between Obama and McCain!







So A Few Good Men was way more intense, but the feeling is the same. That feeling is: Obama loves proving McCain wrong, and McCain loses his temper and says things he regrets (Kissinger did say it would he'd be up for meeting Iran w/out preconditions- just not at a Presidential level). Meanwhile, Tom Cruise loves messing with Colonel Jack, and does so just enough to get him into screwing up and confessing to ordering the Code Red.

Beautiful.

Health Care in America

So, watching the debate tonight, health care inevitably came up again. Apparently, it's a HUGE issue in that it's expensive, inefficient, etc. That said, I thought I'd share a few pointers with America on how to keep your health care costs down and stay... well... alive. This is some of the strategery I employ so I'm sure it will work for you too:

1) In general, avoid the doctor. In the past 5 years or so, I've only gone to the doctor a couple times. Once because I thought I had a poisonous spider eating me OR some weird STD OR was having an allergic reaction- turns out they were flea bites (the result of my roommate's girlfriend's filthy cat scattering the damn things everywhere in the house)- AND once because I was tag-teamed with a double ear infection and bronchitis. Outside of emergencies, just don't go to the doctor! All they will give you is bad news! Why would you ever want to find out that you have cancer or ebola or an incurable stomach parasite?! Ignorance is bliss.

2) DO NOT PAY FOR PRESCRIPTION DRUGS. THEY ARE A COMPLETE SCAM. All illnesses in life can be cured by one or more of the following:
-Naps
-Mucinex D
-Claratin
-Vix VapoRub
-NyQuil
-Band-Aids & Neosporin
-Alcohol*
-Marijuana- those doubting the healing powers of weed work for big money pharmaseuticals

*A general note: alcohol doesn't mix with a lot of the other treatments so employ it as a stand alone treatment at your discretion.

3) Don't eat breakfast. Obesity is rampant in America and causes loads of health problems. Skipping breakfast can help prevent obesity.

4) NEVER EVER EVER EVER try to self diagnose a potential illness / medical condition on the Internet! You will end up thinking you have some crazy disease that only occurs every 7th year among monkeys in the Congo. Take your mind off any potential symptoms you may have by filling your calendar with parties and other fun activities.

5) Start your day with coffee, and keep an easily accessible source of caffeine close to you for the day's remainder. The goal is to keep a buzz going long enough through the day to result in a slow letdown that should occur right as you walk into your bedroom at the end of the day.

If you try some of the above tips, I promise you you'll look and feel great. Just like me (On left)!

Joe Biden

That's all.

Worst Band Ever- An Ear Bleeding Experience

So my friend and I went to the Black Cat last night to catch the band Pinback. For those of you who don’t know Pinback, they can best be compared to Death Cab for Cutie although they have a much more “layered” sound, two vocalists, and in my opinion, are much better. I was pretty pumped about the show and felt even more excited about it once I got a few beers in me at the bar next door to the Black Cat.

Sample Pinback Song:

Once we got to the Black Cat, we hung out in the downstairs bar and talked to some people before ultimately going upstairs to the main stage area. While pre-show drinking, a few people made comments about the opening band like:

“They’re kindof ehhhh...”

“They’re not-so-hot…”

Etc.

When I hear those types of comments, I think to myself: “Well, I’ll give them a shot... All bands deserve to at least be heard once! And besides, they can’t be THAT bad…”

Well, I recant. There are some bands that DO NOT DESERVE TO BE HEARD ONCE. Not even for a second. THIS was one of those bands.

The band was called sBACH and this is the description of their album from Amazon:

“sBACH is Spencer Seim, (Hella, The Advantage). This record is a frenetic mélange akin to the sights, sounds, and sugar rushes of an entire elementary school locked in a Chuck E. Cheese and having to subside on an all-you-can-eat buffet of Fun Dip and Pixie Stix. The animatronic, caffeinated band dishes out phosphorescent doom riffs while running amok with blips and bleeps. Kitschy, stoner rock with jazz rhythms and chicken scratch electronica.”

What the F does that even mean?!?! Just reading the description instantly throws up red flags. Actually HEARING this band though is something eerily similar to having taking QTips and shoving them through your ears, into your brain, one after another until they get pushed through your brain and out your nose. Now I’ve never done that, but the pain my senses felt was DEFINITELY on that level.

My exact words upon hearing this band: “You know what this sounds like? UNICORN GENOCIDE.”

sBach conjured up images in my head of unicorns dancing merrily and then being systematically murdered by the on-stage idiots who thought they were making “music.” If you want a true description of what these guys sound like, it’s the following:

1 Part Old School Nintendo Video Game Soundtrack
1 Part Loud Drumming
1 Part Dying Robot
All with a heavy dosage of “No Musical Key or Time Signature Whatsoever”

I can’t believe people actually applauded for this shit. Wait, yes I can, because if EVER there was “mocking applause,” THIS was it.

I want to offer a challenge to all my 3 readers out there: Go to the Amazon link, and pay the $0.99 for a song. Wait, scratch that- don’t support these guys. Go to their MySpace page (http://www.myspace.com/sBACHband) and let your ears enter a world of pain at no cost. Actually, don't waste your time. Just click below and attempt to watch/listen to this shit:

If you can listen to the whole thing all the way through, you most definitely can survive the following without even blinking:

-Waterboarding

-Imprisonment in Guantanamo Bay if you were to be accused of being a top Al Queda operative

-Nuclear Holocaust

-Being eaten alive by maneating insects like in the latest Indiana Jones movie which wasn’t all that good.

Thankfully, Pinback was good and saved the night.

Next up on the Concert Schedule:

10/4 Chromeo @ the 930 Club
11/5 Rival Schools @ Ottobar
11/10 Kings of Leon @ Constitution Hall
11/11 Smashing Pumpkins @ Constitution Hall (Yes, I ended up buying tickets to it)
2009 Metallica @ Verizon Center

Hopefully these guys will have some decent openers.

Soccer/Futbol/Not-REAL-football

So recently I’ve decided to start watching soccer. Since globalization is so trendy these days, I am globalizing my sports watching. After speaking to my soccer-knowledgeable roommate and doing some Wikipedia-ing on the English Premier League, I have decided that the lucky team that will receive my full fledged support is … (drumroll please), ARSENAL! Really, this was the easiest decision ever. Arsenal’s team name is the GUNNERS which is possibly the most badass sports name ever.

Bill Simmons wrote a good how-to on... well... how to pick a EPL team to follow. Also, allow myself to introduce myself. While the bandwagon potential for Arsenal is, according to Simmons, “off the charts,” I really just don’t care. My REAL football teams (Michigan and Green Bay) are having "rebuilding" (read: really shitty) years so I need to root for a team that consistently wins so I can feel good about life.

In other soccer news, I noticed in my research that AIG is a sponsor of Manchester United. This is the same AIG that we just bailed out. Good thing they have their financial priorities in place! Though their contract was only 0.11% of the $85 billion they’re getting ($100M contract signed in April 06), I still think that everybody should be able to make fun of them for this. ESPECIALLY because AIG is now essentially a synonym for FAIL, and is prominently displayed on all Man U players’ chests. Be proud while you can Futbol Yankees. You too will beg for mercy like AIG, except it will be at the hands of the vicious Gunners*.

More like:

Getting back to Arsenal, I notified the team earlier this week that they would be receiving my undying loyalty and they seemed REALLY pumped about it. Goalkeeper Manuel Almunia (loosely translated from Spanish, this means MAN OF ALUMINUM- ALSO BADASS!) said in an interview last week:

“Steve is going to take Arsenal to a new level- He is like… how you say… the man Spike Lee to the Knickerbockers… also- like the man Jack Nicorette to the Lakers.”

When asked by the press if he intended to say Jack Nicholson, the Man of Aluminum replied: “Ho ho ho yes! Sorry- I am not that familiar with your silly American culture, but that man Nicholson was great in The Departed! What a film!”

See the Man of Aluminum in all of his glory here (props to whoever made this! Not only does it feature the Man of Aluminum, but it also has MOTORHEAD! Rock.):

I actually had a full trip planned to see the game against Hull City (generously paid for by Arseanl as a result of my international celebrity and renowned reputation) but then I decided to get drunk and watch Michigan OWN Wisconsin.

I am 99.7% positive that my absence in the stands led to the upset that unfortunately followed. In fact, Almunia said after the game:

"Steve’s absence really hurt us… I looked longingly to the stands for our #1 fan but he was nowhere to be found. Because I was scanning the stands so much, I could not focus on the flurry of shots coming toward the goal I have sworn to protect.”

Come to think of it… I don’t even know if Almunia speaks English. I just know that if he didn’t explicitly say the things above, he definitely thought them.

*I don’t even know if people talk trash in soccer. Do they? I assume so because in that one World Cup game a dude was talking trash and then he got headbutted into oblivion. I don’t even know if Arsenal is better than Man U. I just want to like winners. As Socrates once said: “When every ounce of your being is used to being a champion losing is unacceptable, and becoming a bandwagon fan is acceptable.”

Vice Presidential Intellect

I didn't think Sarah Palin had the qualifications to be Vice President. But today, I saw a clip that totally changed my mind:



I think this is what she said:

"as Putin rears his head and comes into the airspace of the United States of America -- where do they go??? It's... Alaska. It's just right over the border."

Is that even English?! What does that mean?! I don't get it... Am I stupid or something?! But you know what... I've... I've seen that before... sometime not too long ago... what was it? Oh yeah! I remember- this was when Palin was talking about maps and the Iraq:



Damn... I guess that wasn't Palin! I could have sworn it was! I get my people all jumbled and mixed up sometimes :(

I have no idea what I am doing...

This is my first blog ever! Wow! I feel so advanced... I wonder if I'll be able to stick with it. Maybe someday I'll have things like images and interactive... stuff... but that day is not today. My friends- we have to walk before we can crawl! (I was making fun of John McCain there. Did you get it? Probably not, but he starts every fucking sentence with "My friends..." I personally am not his friend so I feel it's really presumptuous and rude on his part to lump me into that category. Also, the way he says it is so creepy! It's creepy like the way Joe Paterno says "COME TO PENN STATE!!!!!!!" in that one Big Ten commercial.

For the sake of comparison:
Paterno-
See 0:15 and the end...


McCain-


Okay... so I guess that really they're not similar at all- except that they're both senile and old and look like the Cryptkeeper.


Can you honestly tell me you don't see a resemblance?

Oh, and by the way, watch out world! Looks like I just mastered the hell out of adding images to this bad boy!

Anyhow, I apologize, for I digressed really hard.

In no particular order, the two things that I wanted to talk about tonight were:

1) Today, my friend informed me via email that the Smashing Pumpkins (arguably my favorite band ever) are going to be playing two nights in DC. I naturally jumped all over this (because they are one of my favorite bands ever). So, I go to Ticketmaster like any normal person would do when they want a ticket for something. I look up Pumpkins tour dates, and sure enough, two shows are having their presale for DC. BUT, there's a big fucking catch: YOU CAN'T BUY THE GODDAMN TICKETS UNLESS YOU PURCHASE THEM WITH AN AMERICAN EXPRESS CARD! What kind of bullshit is that?! Who decided that would be a great marketing idea? It does not make me think: "Boy... I really should get one of those American Express cards." It makes me think: "Fuck American Express! I'm never getting one of those worthless pieces of shit." I cannot think of a single one of my friends or family members that actually has an American Express card. You know why? Because there are always VISA commercials that are saying how you should always have your VISA card handy because it's accepted anywhere, whereas if you have an American Express card, you're cutting your options down tenfold. Come to think of it, this kindof makes me hate VISA now too. One of the few times I need something immediately, suddenly there's a role reversal and I need the subpar American Express card instead, and VISA is worthless until the public sale. And public sales for tickets are a complete shitshow in their own right. As a frequent ticket-buyer and concert-goer, there is nothing more irritating than having to continually refresh a window waiting for the "More Info" link in Ticketmaster to change to "Find Tickets." Yet, it looks that this is exactly what I'll be doing with my Saturday morning. Great. Maybe I won't even go... This brings me to my second item of business...

2) Should I even want to go to this show?! I've spent a lot of money on tickets lately. I'm seeing Kings of Leon, Pinback, Electric Six/Local H, Metallica, and Chromeo- all in the next 4 months. For a 60-hour/week working guy, that's a lot of shows to be going to. I could really use the spare change, yet I'm a sucker for concerts... But the dilemma for this show isn't about money, it's about the band themselves. The Pumpkins are one of my favorite bands, hands down. But when they reunited, some weeeeeeiiiiirrrdddd shit went down! First, James Iha (Asian guitarist extraordinaire) and D'arcy (hot chick bassist) were either not invited to the reunion, or turned it down (who knows- this stuff is never public). So then, instead of getting Melissa Auf der Mauer (who was a Pumpkin at one point AND A hot chick bassist at that!) to play bass again and getting a new guitarist from a pool of tight rocker friends or something, Billy went out and picked two completely unknown people to fill in. AND, strangely and conveniently enough, he ends up with a hot chick bassist and an Asian guitarist.

Classic Lineup (not shown Jimmy C):
Melissa (Bassist #2 after D'arcy):
New Bassist (Still a chick, still hot):
New Guitarist (Still an Asian dude, still a sweet guitar player):
Now musically this worked. I saw them three times last year and had a great time at all three shows (Asheville NC, DC record release for Zeitgeist, and Virgin Festival) ,but the whole thing wreaks of being a big gimmick. The gimmick thing is stronger than ever now because the DC shows are part of a 20th Anniversary tour. Nothing about the band is the same really so the whole Anniversary thing is a big stretch. Although, Billy is making me tentatively forget about it because there is the promise of old material being played which I am a total sucker for... So, let the internal debate rage on...

3) Last item on my agenda... I was briefly looking at Yahoo News and came across this picture which I found disturbing... I guess... that... if you don't see what this might resemble then... well... don't worry about it. Just have a great night!
"Hail- China!"

Seacrest out.