1) In general, avoid the doctor. In the past 5 years or so, I've only gone to the doctor a couple times. Once because I thought I had a poisonous spider eating me OR some weird STD OR was having an allergic reaction- turns out they were flea bites (the result of my roommate's girlfriend's filthy cat scattering the damn things everywhere in the house)- AND once because I was tag-teamed with a double ear infection and bronchitis. Outside of emergencies, just don't go to the doctor! All they will give you is bad news! Why would you ever want to find out that you have cancer or ebola or an incurable stomach parasite?! Ignorance is bliss.
2) DO NOT PAY FOR PRESCRIPTION DRUGS. THEY ARE A COMPLETE SCAM. All illnesses in life can be cured by one or more of the following:
-Naps
-Mucinex D
-Claratin
-Vix VapoRub
-NyQuil
-Band-Aids & Neosporin
-Alcohol*
-Marijuana- those doubting the healing powers of weed work for big money pharmaseuticals
*A general note: alcohol doesn't mix with a lot of the other treatments so employ it as a stand alone treatment at your discretion.
3) Don't eat breakfast. Obesity is rampant in America and causes loads of health problems. Skipping breakfast can help prevent obesity.
4) NEVER EVER EVER EVER try to self diagnose a potential illness / medical condition on the Internet! You will end up thinking you have some crazy disease that only occurs every 7th year among monkeys in the Congo. Take your mind off any potential symptoms you may have by filling your calendar with parties and other fun activities.
5) Start your day with coffee, and keep an easily accessible source of caffeine close to you for the day's remainder. The goal is to keep a buzz going long enough through the day to result in a slow letdown that should occur right as you walk into your bedroom at the end of the day.
If you try some of the above tips, I promise you you'll look and feel great. Just like me (On left)!
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