Worst Band Ever- An Ear Bleeding Experience

So my friend and I went to the Black Cat last night to catch the band Pinback. For those of you who don’t know Pinback, they can best be compared to Death Cab for Cutie although they have a much more “layered” sound, two vocalists, and in my opinion, are much better. I was pretty pumped about the show and felt even more excited about it once I got a few beers in me at the bar next door to the Black Cat.

Sample Pinback Song:

Once we got to the Black Cat, we hung out in the downstairs bar and talked to some people before ultimately going upstairs to the main stage area. While pre-show drinking, a few people made comments about the opening band like:

“They’re kindof ehhhh...”

“They’re not-so-hot…”

Etc.

When I hear those types of comments, I think to myself: “Well, I’ll give them a shot... All bands deserve to at least be heard once! And besides, they can’t be THAT bad…”

Well, I recant. There are some bands that DO NOT DESERVE TO BE HEARD ONCE. Not even for a second. THIS was one of those bands.

The band was called sBACH and this is the description of their album from Amazon:

“sBACH is Spencer Seim, (Hella, The Advantage). This record is a frenetic mélange akin to the sights, sounds, and sugar rushes of an entire elementary school locked in a Chuck E. Cheese and having to subside on an all-you-can-eat buffet of Fun Dip and Pixie Stix. The animatronic, caffeinated band dishes out phosphorescent doom riffs while running amok with blips and bleeps. Kitschy, stoner rock with jazz rhythms and chicken scratch electronica.”

What the F does that even mean?!?! Just reading the description instantly throws up red flags. Actually HEARING this band though is something eerily similar to having taking QTips and shoving them through your ears, into your brain, one after another until they get pushed through your brain and out your nose. Now I’ve never done that, but the pain my senses felt was DEFINITELY on that level.

My exact words upon hearing this band: “You know what this sounds like? UNICORN GENOCIDE.”

sBach conjured up images in my head of unicorns dancing merrily and then being systematically murdered by the on-stage idiots who thought they were making “music.” If you want a true description of what these guys sound like, it’s the following:

1 Part Old School Nintendo Video Game Soundtrack
1 Part Loud Drumming
1 Part Dying Robot
All with a heavy dosage of “No Musical Key or Time Signature Whatsoever”

I can’t believe people actually applauded for this shit. Wait, yes I can, because if EVER there was “mocking applause,” THIS was it.

I want to offer a challenge to all my 3 readers out there: Go to the Amazon link, and pay the $0.99 for a song. Wait, scratch that- don’t support these guys. Go to their MySpace page (http://www.myspace.com/sBACHband) and let your ears enter a world of pain at no cost. Actually, don't waste your time. Just click below and attempt to watch/listen to this shit:

If you can listen to the whole thing all the way through, you most definitely can survive the following without even blinking:

-Waterboarding

-Imprisonment in Guantanamo Bay if you were to be accused of being a top Al Queda operative

-Nuclear Holocaust

-Being eaten alive by maneating insects like in the latest Indiana Jones movie which wasn’t all that good.

Thankfully, Pinback was good and saved the night.

Next up on the Concert Schedule:

10/4 Chromeo @ the 930 Club
11/5 Rival Schools @ Ottobar
11/10 Kings of Leon @ Constitution Hall
11/11 Smashing Pumpkins @ Constitution Hall (Yes, I ended up buying tickets to it)
2009 Metallica @ Verizon Center

Hopefully these guys will have some decent openers.