Lawrence: No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.
Everybody remembers these lines. Because everybody knows Office Space. Or, at least I thought everybody knew Office Space. Recently, the culmination of six years in a unique work environment have led me to suggest the following rules for the workplace.
1) The "Unfiltered Positivity Rule." Henceforth, individual employees shall not exude sickening amounts of positivity in an effort to counteract general majority feelings of cynicism and pessimism.
Example:
I come in to work everyday and am typically between 6.3-8/10 on what I will call the "positivity scale", which I feel is pretty decent for the existing gloomy economic climate. And yet, when I come in, I more often than not encounter an employee who I will call "Bob." When I see Bob, I have to say hello- if I don't, Lord knows he will be offended. And so I play the game, and don't really have a problem with it. But after I say "Hey Bob how's it going man?!," it's his response that pains me.
Inevitably he responds with something like: "Oh you know me! Even on my worst day I'm better than you on your best day!" Really?! Lawrence, can you say shit like that?
If Bob told me he were doing great, and left it at that, that's one thing. But his "unfiltered (and excessive) positivity" offends me and frankly makes me think that there is something wrong with him. I should note that Bob does this with everybody and I am not alone in my feelings about it.
We also used to have another guy who when you asked how he was doing, would respond: "Too blessed to be stressed my brotha." This was always a touch ironic because he had a reputation for not really working all that hard.
Where do these people come from?!
2) Do not tell employees they are lucky to be overworked, because at least they are employed. I get it. We are in a bad economy. There is just under 10% unemployment and those of us who have jobs are lucky. BUT, for those of in the private sector, it is more often the rule than the exception that in order to navigate these challenging times, companies cost cut. And they typically cost cut by cutting people. And the same workload that 10 people used to share is now split among 7 people. And so while the 7 people are lucky to still be employed, they are doing a lot more, and getting compensated the same (or less). When one's workload dramatically increases, I think it is natural for them to occasionally vent.
The other day, I was venting. Things had come to a tipping point, and I was having a moment of insanity. And as I vented, someone said to me: "Well, it's better than the alternative right? I mean... it's better to have too much work than being unemployed right? I mean, at least we have jobs."
Okay. Thanks, I get it. But what you just said to me does NOT make me feel better.
When someone tells you they have cancer, do you respond "Well... at least you're alive, right? At least it's not ebola. That shit will kill you even faster." ?
In a lot of way, this rule ties into #1. In companies' quests to improve employee morale in these nasty times, they are doing and saying the most ridiculous things. They are willing to try and do everything and anything EXCEPT admit the reality of the situation. Honesty always wins out, and I think I would prefer to hear: "Look. Shit really is awful right now. But we're going to get through it, things will improve, and we appreciate you sticking it out with us."
You want to fix your office environment? It's simple. Send out an Outlook Invite to your employees. 12:00 PM Friday, free up your schedule because lunch is on the company. We'll congregate in the Conference room, we're going to put Office Space up on the projector, and work's out for the week when it culminates. And from there, we're going to Happy Hour where you first few drinks are on us.
1) The "Unfiltered Positivity Rule." Henceforth, individual employees shall not exude sickening amounts of positivity in an effort to counteract general majority feelings of cynicism and pessimism.
Example:
I come in to work everyday and am typically between 6.3-8/10 on what I will call the "positivity scale", which I feel is pretty decent for the existing gloomy economic climate. And yet, when I come in, I more often than not encounter an employee who I will call "Bob." When I see Bob, I have to say hello- if I don't, Lord knows he will be offended. And so I play the game, and don't really have a problem with it. But after I say "Hey Bob how's it going man?!," it's his response that pains me.
Inevitably he responds with something like: "Oh you know me! Even on my worst day I'm better than you on your best day!" Really?! Lawrence, can you say shit like that?
If Bob told me he were doing great, and left it at that, that's one thing. But his "unfiltered (and excessive) positivity" offends me and frankly makes me think that there is something wrong with him. I should note that Bob does this with everybody and I am not alone in my feelings about it.
We also used to have another guy who when you asked how he was doing, would respond: "Too blessed to be stressed my brotha." This was always a touch ironic because he had a reputation for not really working all that hard.
Where do these people come from?!
2) Do not tell employees they are lucky to be overworked, because at least they are employed. I get it. We are in a bad economy. There is just under 10% unemployment and those of us who have jobs are lucky. BUT, for those of in the private sector, it is more often the rule than the exception that in order to navigate these challenging times, companies cost cut. And they typically cost cut by cutting people. And the same workload that 10 people used to share is now split among 7 people. And so while the 7 people are lucky to still be employed, they are doing a lot more, and getting compensated the same (or less). When one's workload dramatically increases, I think it is natural for them to occasionally vent.
The other day, I was venting. Things had come to a tipping point, and I was having a moment of insanity. And as I vented, someone said to me: "Well, it's better than the alternative right? I mean... it's better to have too much work than being unemployed right? I mean, at least we have jobs."
Okay. Thanks, I get it. But what you just said to me does NOT make me feel better.
When someone tells you they have cancer, do you respond "Well... at least you're alive, right? At least it's not ebola. That shit will kill you even faster." ?
In a lot of way, this rule ties into #1. In companies' quests to improve employee morale in these nasty times, they are doing and saying the most ridiculous things. They are willing to try and do everything and anything EXCEPT admit the reality of the situation. Honesty always wins out, and I think I would prefer to hear: "Look. Shit really is awful right now. But we're going to get through it, things will improve, and we appreciate you sticking it out with us."
You want to fix your office environment? It's simple. Send out an Outlook Invite to your employees. 12:00 PM Friday, free up your schedule because lunch is on the company. We'll congregate in the Conference room, we're going to put Office Space up on the projector, and work's out for the week when it culminates. And from there, we're going to Happy Hour where you first few drinks are on us.
3 comments:
On the day when I am no longer allowed to make sarcastic and bitter commentary about my work, please kill me, as that is really the only thing that keeps me going.
I'll share one of my recent work interactions:
Me: "I just don't want to be here."
Co-Worker: "Liz, when was the last time you wanted to be here? 2008?"
Me: "Touche."
Do you know what really irks me? I receive an email a week that introduces a new "Senior Vice President of Bullshit." We underlings have the right to be pissed because we are the ones that actually DO WORK. I know equate the words Director + Vice President + President + General Manger with = I don't do shit.
Okay I used "know" instead of "now." Ugh. Ammunition for Steve.
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