When you read Bachelor Meal #1, was your mind blown?
Was it blown due to the complexity of the recipe and the directions?
Whenever my girlfriend tries to teach me how to cook something, my brain just sees and hears the equivalent of this:
So if Bachelor Meal #1 was too much for you, fear not. Bachelor Meal #2 is remarkable in its simplicity, and fantasticness. Are you ready?!
BEHOLD!
Bachelor Meal #2: Fake Chicken Patties!
PART 1: CRUCIAL INGREDIENTS:
1. Buns
2. Ketchup- Heinz only please.
I know what you are thinking. ANOTHER "fake meat" product?! I know I know- What am I? Some kind of animal loving vegan hippie scumbag? I wouldn't go that far- I just realized that making things with fake meat is sweet because you don't get penalized if you accidentally undercook your meal. Because- make no mistake about it- If I used real meat in a meal, I would find a way to fuck it up and food poison myself and whoever else I am cooking for.
Honey! Dinner's Ready! Do you think it's done???
Anyway, I just don't even know what else to say about these chicken patties. Do they cook quickly? Check. Do they taste like real chicken? Check. Is undercooking them a risk? No.
PART 2: MAKING AN EDIBLE CREATION
- Throw the chicken patties in the oven. Let them cook for 15 minutes or so.
- Take chicken patties out of the oven.
- Place chicken patties on buns.
- Use approximately 1 L of ketchup per bun.
- Devour
And there you have it. A wonderfully quick tasty meal. I meant to take pictures of the final patty but I forgot and ate everything instead.
Be sure to watch for an upcoming post on the correct milk:cereal ratio that you should be employing for maximum enjoyment of your Cocoa Puffs, etc.
Another future post will discuss turtle soup. Mmmm... delicacies.
