Day of Reckoning
October 23rd, 2009 was a cool autumn day. Steve's alarm went off promptly at 8:00 AM and he groaned. Today was his day in court to fight a reckless driving charge. He had taken all the necessary measure to fight the charge (hiring a lawyer, getting copies of his driver's license), but he still was skeptical about escaping from the court room with minimal fines...
Steve dressed himself with extra care this morning. "If I get fucked by the Commonwealth, at least I'll look professional" he thought to himself. He eventually settled on black pinstriped pants, and a white and green plaid shirt. Not tacky plaid like a western cowboy shirt, but something classier, like you would find at Banana Republic.
As he exited his apartment building and entered his car, he had to again remind himself of that old saying from the Field of Dreams... What is that saying again?? Something like: "If you speed, the Commonwealth will fuck you."?? So, he drove at exactly the speed limit out to Manassas Virginia. Driving at exactly the speed limit earned Steve some interesting reactions from the other people on the road. One lady kindly waved at him with one finger.
Steve got to the courthouse with about 30 minutes to spare. Turns out that was a good decision. There was no parking to be found- typical for the DC metropolitan area. After finding a parking spot 1/4 mile away, he walked to the courthouse.
Courthouse
It was an ugly building, and Steve wasn't sure if it was because of the architecture, or the total wastes of human beings hanging out around it waiting to be sentenced for idiotic crimes. At any rate, he walked up to the courthouse and was then quickly turned away by security guards for unknowingly attempting to commit the unforgivable crime of bringing a phone with camera capabilities inside.
After walking another 1/2 mile to return to his car, and then the courthouse, Steve finally got inside. Upon reaching the 2nd floor, the hallway outside the courtrooms was filled with people awaiting judgement. The attire of these people, damned by the law, was rather interesting, ranging from full denim outfits, to the finest Rocawear clothing. Steve mentally noted that he should avoid court again at all costs.
Once he ruled out 95% of the humans in the hallway from possibly being his lawyer, Steve approached a young woman with a legal pad who was frantically scribbling. "Umm... hi, are you Jennifer?" he asked. Though he sounded uncertain, he knew that this was his lawyer, because the other people around just looked like they sucked at life. Turns out Steve had in fact identified his lawyer. After brief introductions, Jennifer found the prosecutor in the hallway, and wheeled a deal in approximately 1 minute (literally). As Steve had a clean driver's record, the prosecutor agreed to drop the 86 mph in a 65 mph zone to a 79/65 violation. Instead of a $1,000+ fine, Steve was facing a chump change $200 violation. "Is this okay with you?" Jennifer asked once she had worked out the details. Steve replied "YES, let's just get this over with!"
Steve, Jennifer, and the prosecutor then entered the courtroom and waited for their turn in front of the judge. Steve witnessed a variety of other people being sentenced during this waiting period. He witnessed two DUI convictions, a larceny conviction, an unlawful entry conviction, a marijuana possession conviction, and several other petty theft charges. All of the defendants escaped with relatively minor slaps on the wrist (with the exception of Mr. DUI) : $50-150 fines, and 30 day prison sentences that could be overturned upon completion of a Shoplifter's Counselling Course or something similar.
"Well this certainly is strange..." thought Steve. "These people stole, got caught with drugs, and broke into shit, and they're paying less of a fine than my speeding ticket?!"
But then Steve thought about the other part of some of their sentences: being banned from Kohl's or Target or the like for periods of no less than 2 years. How hideous! How can one go on with life without TARGET?! Steve then thought he was in a much better position than those poor people.
Finally, it was Steve's turn to face judgement. The Prosecutor spoke first: "Your honor, the Commonwealth has agreed to reduce the charge to speeding, 79 in a 65, a fine of $200. BUT, since he was in a Highway Safety Corridor, it will be double, and a total fine of $400."
"Well fuck me... They fucking doubled it!" Steve thought.
"Is this acceptable to your client?" the judge asked Jennifer.
Jennifer replied: "Well... that wasn't how I understood the deal- I thought it was going to be $200."
The Prosecutor stared blankly at Jennifer.
Jennifer said to Steve: "Um... is $400 okay?"
"Not like I have a fucking choice," Steve thought to himself.
"Yes." Steve answered.
They exited the courtroom.
Steve went to pay the cashier. Total cost: $400.00...
...plus $60.00 in court fees.
Steve then drove away from the courthouse, again going exactly the speed limit in Virginia, and then speeding like everybody else once he crossed into the velocity friendly paradise of Maryland. As he drove, he thought about the potential of making a career change to LAWYER, as he calculated that the one he just paid made $700.00 for no more than 3 hours of work: A $233 hourly wage.
